


signs traced on a blank page

by ohmytheon



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Alphabet Meme, Alphabet series, Aurego, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Drabble Collection, F/M, Gen, Inter-connected one shots, Original Character(s), Parental Roy Mustang, Parental Royed - Freeform, Post-Canon, Royai - Freeform, Xing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-10
Updated: 2016-07-05
Packaged: 2018-05-01 00:38:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5185559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmytheon/pseuds/ohmytheon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life can take so many different routes for a person, and Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye are no different, even if their own lives are intertwined with one another. (A series of interconnected drabbles using each letter of the alphabet as the prompt, ranging from their childhood to post-FMA canon.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A is for Adventure

**Author's Note:**

> I talked about doing this series for a while. I just didn’t expect to get distracted by writing six other things first. I’m also in the middle of writing the third part of the daemons AU, but I really got some inspiration for this the other day when I figured out what word I wanted to use. As for this, I decided to do something different. They’ll all be stand-alones, as usual, but some of them are going to be connected too. It’ll be in order this time though. So like the first five will be connected and then the next five and so forth. I’ll also be writing characters that I didn’t do much with in the 100 drabble series and also brief summaries of each chapter so you know which groups are connected. The title is taken from Georges Perec's "Species of Spaces and Other Pieces." And without further ado, let’s begin!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy and Riza arrive in Xing for the wedding of Emperor Ling Yao and Lan Fan.

The sun was glaringly bright, but it wasn’t nearly as hot as Roy had expected when he stepped off the train. It was nothing like Ishval had been and nowhere near as painful as the desert. Roy honestly wasn’t sure how Ling Yao with his two bodyguards had made it across all those years ago, much less a lone thirteen year-old Princess May Chang. It made him think of Edward and Alphonse Elric, alchemy prodigies at such a young age. And what had he been doing at thirteen?

Oh yeah, that was right: he was stuck studying basic alchemy under a mad man in a decrepit house in the middle of nowhere and trying to convince his daughter to say more than five words to him.

Nonetheless, Roy was more than relieved that things were different now. They’d just managed to establish a railroad track and phone line between the two countries, which had proven to be more difficult than anyone anticipated. It had almost been easier to help rebuild Ishval, and that had taken years. One of the largest reasons that they had been able to accomplish building any sort of bridges between the two countries had been because of Alphonse Elric. He’d taken on his unofficial role as Amestris ambassador in Xing with particular gusto. It had certainly helped that he had a lot of pull with the new Emperor of Xing.

Putting on his military cap helped with the bright sunlight, a decent shade falling over the top half of his face and the front of the cap shielding his eyes. He liked the way it didn’t allow people to look him directly in the eyes and covered his expressions. It closed him off to people when he didn’t feel like talking to them. In this case, he was a newcomer to a foreign land, and while he normally would’ve tried to appear as open and friendly as possible, wanting to put on a good face for Amestris, he felt strangely uncomfortable the moment he stepped off the train.

Maybe it had to do with the looks that he’d caught from a few Xingese natives. All of them wore the same looks on their faces: first recognition, then confusion, and finally disgruntlement. For the first time in many, many years, Roy felt like an alien in his own skin, like he didn’t belong, and he didn’t know what to do. Growing up, he had mostly enjoyed the fact that he looked fairly different from everyone, if only because it made him stand out and somehow it made things easier with people. He wasn’t the picture perfect Amestrian, apparently having inherited his mother’s Xingese looks.

Being in Xing now suddenly reminded him of those first few months after Madam Christmas had adopted him and brought him back to live to Central with her. So many people had looked at him in bewilderment, some even walking up right to them and asking where he had come from, like he was some sort of exotic animal. Kids had bullied him for his different looks, to the point where he had become so defensive and once even cried and begged Christmas to take him back home.

Roy recalled his foster mother’s words now: “You’re different, Roy boy, and you always will be, but don’t ever let it be your weakness. There is only one of you, so make it count. Show them how great it is to be different.”

It hadn’t been very comforting to a six year-old, but her words had sunk into his skin. Whenever he was lying in bed and frustrated with how much he stood out from everyone else, he would think back on those words and he used any hate and ignorance to harden him. They didn’t know he was. They didn’t know his history. They knew nothing about him. So what if he looked like them but a stranger in an Amestrian military uniform? He could use that to his advantage. He knew little of this country except for what he studied and the random bits that he could remember from his mother like a dream.

Truth be told, the only thing he really knew in Xingese was a bedtime song that his mother used to sing to him, somehow ingrained in his memory. But he took a deep breath and pushed his cap up so that his face was plain in sight and used what he’d been learning. When he said hello and asked an older woman carrying a huge suitcase if she needed any help in a perfect though obviously practiced Xingese accent, the woman started and then smiled at him pleasantly, nodding her head and telling him what a good boy he was. At least he was fairly certain that was what she was saying. Falman would’ve known.

“You’re certainly starting off on the right foot,” Riza murmured, appearing at his side like she had come out of thin air. Roy shot her a lopsided grin. This walking beside him thing was a rather new development, but he was fond of it. For the most part, she walked at least a step behind him, but in the past few months, after what he thought was a particularly passionate argument, she had suddenly started to walk with him. He liked it, though she proclaimed it was for tactical reasons. “We’re not even here to do PR.”

“I’m helping a beautiful woman with her luggage,” Roy pointed out. “This is not a PR stunt.”

“Remind me how many babies you told Havoc that you’d kiss after getting promoted to full General?”

“Hey, people like men that are good with children,” Roy said defensively.

Riza rolled her eyes. “You basically used Edward’s children as props for pictures.”

“They love me,” Roy replied, a small smirk to cross his face. Riza merely shook her head in response, though there was the barest of smiles on her face. It was true that Fullmetal’s kids did love him, little Ben following him around and even baby Sara always wiggling her arms to be held by him, much to the displeasure of Edward.

After sitting the heavy luggage on the back of a cart pulled by a person on a bike, the old woman fished out a coin of Xingese money and tried to give it Roy, but he waved her away. She gave him a toothy smile and thanked him for his kindness, to which he bowed slightly and thanked her for allowing him to help. In all honesty, giving a hand to her had made him feel a little better and more comfortable. It gave him the courage to not hide who he was: a stranger in his mother’s homeland.

“General Mustang!” a cheerful voice called out from somewhere in the crowd.

It didn’t take Roy long to spot the person who had spoken his name, considering he was tall blonde mop in a sea of shorter dark hair. Alphonse waved a hand at them, a beaming smile on his face. Even after all this time, it still took Roy’s breath away to see the younger Elric with his body. The last time he had seen Alphonse had been at his niece’s third birthday party in Resembool, around a year ago. Had he actually grown taller than Roy? Though his hair was still cut short and parted to the side, he was wearing more traditional Xingese clothing.

“You look like you belong here,” Roy greeted as he extended a hand towards the younger alchemist.

Alphonse swept a free hand down at his clothing, blushing a little. “May got them for me. She said it would look good for when I bring you to the Royal Court.” Roy fought the urge to chuckle and tease him about the Xingese princess. He’d save that for later when they weren’t out in public. “But it’s really just a matter of comfort. You must be sweltering in your military uniforms.”

“You grow used to the heat after a while,” Roy replied, shrugging his shoulders. And so he had. He’d gotten used to it years ago when wielding his flames in Ishval. Still, Alphonse wasn’t wrong about how hot the uniforms were. He could be completely used to it, but that wouldn’t keep him from sweating. Alphonse’s loose-fitting clothes certainly looked a lot more comfortable and cool. “Shall we?”

After assuring them that their belongings were being taken care of, the three of them stepped into one of the carts that the old woman had, though slightly bigger. Roy sat and listened with rapt attention as Alphonse began to describe the events of the past few months. It had been a huge shock when the new Emperor Ling Yao abolished the practice of taking a daughter from each clan as a concubine, but even more so when the young emperor announced his plans to wed one of his bodyguards, little more than a commoner in his clan. Xing was progressing faster than ever before and many things had started to change once Ling took over apparently.

“It’s all so terribly exciting!” Alphonse exclaimed, his golden eyes shining brightly. Then he gave somewhat of a sheepish shrug. “And it’s been stressful too. Many clans are disgruntled and feel as if they are being cast out of royalty and losing their bid to the throne. The power struggles are still there, just different. There have been at least four assassination attempts on the Emperor by his half siblings as it is.”

“How has May been handling it?” Riza asked curiously, speaking up for the first time in the conversation between the two men. Roy could never forget the fact that May Chang had saved Riza’s life and effectively his own on the Promised Day, but he did sometimes forget that Riza privately kept in sporadic contact with the young girl. Black Hayate did love to play with Xiao Mei after all.

Alphonse rubbed the back of his neck. “Indignant, as usual. Because Ling doesn’t have an heir yet, he named May as his heir until he and Lan Fan have a child. A lot of the higher up clans were outraged by the decree since the Chang clan is the smallest and poorest and they believed that they should have been named heir.” He sighed and shook his head, looking a little more tired. Apparently the Xingese royalty weren’t the only ones that were feeling frustrated with the situation. “There was an attempt on her life a few weeks ago. She wasn’t hurt, but since then, Ling has given her bodyguards. She doesn’t believe that she needs them – says that she can take care of herself and she has me.” His cheeks turned a little pink, but he pushed on anyways. “Needless to say, Ling has not been pleased by the way she’s ditched her guards a few times.”

Despite the severity of the situation, Roy couldn’t help but snort. He could just imagine the young princess slipping out of sight of her guards and them having to report back to the angry emperor shame-faced and embarrassed. She was incredibly independent for her age and seemingly always had been. She’d crossed the desert on her own, fared in a foreign country, and fought monsters. A few assassination attempts probably didn’t faze her one bit while her refusal to accept her half brother’s protection drove him mad. It kind of reminded him of the way that he tended to throw himself in the middle of danger while Riza protested all the way.

“Enough talk of that though,” Alphonse proclaimed, the smile returning to his face. “I’m really excited that you were able to make it for the wedding! It’ll be a great start to build a relationship between Xing and Amestris.”

“You’ve done quite the good job of it yourself already,” Roy pointed out.

“I can only do so much though,” Alphonse said. “You’re actually a part of the Amestris government, General. I may have helped us get the foot in the door by helping with the train and the phone line, but you’ll be able to get work done.”

“Confident in my political abilities, are we?”

Alphonse grinned. “You don’t get to full General at your age by just your looks.”

“Your brother might beg to differ.”

Both of them laughed while Riza smiled onward. As the cart rolled on, Alphonse explained a few Xingese customs that they would need to adhere to, for the sake of making things easier, and where their quarters would be during the time visiting. Riza made sure to tell Roy not to let his ego swell up over the fact that they would be staying in an actual palace. When they finally arrived, Roy had to stop himself from gaping in awe. The palace was a lot more impressive and colorful than he remembered from the pictures Alphonse showed him a few years ago when he came back to Amestris for Edward and Winry’s wedding. It was a little difficult to think that he would actually be staying here.

“The wedding won’t be for another three days,” Alphonse said as they started up the stairs. He gave Roy a look that came off as remarkably shy. “May and I were thinking… We could take you around the capitol and maybe a few of the closer cities and villages.”

“I’d like that,” Roy said earnestly. “Sounds like an adventure.”

Alphonse gave him a strangely hesitant look, chewing on his bottom lip. “Your biological mother was from Xing, right?” Roy nodded his head. Though he never talked extensively about his late parents, he had told Alphonse and Edward a few things over the past few years. They had been stunned to find out after so many years working under him that he too was an orphan like them and had spent a few months on his own in an orphanage before being found and taken in by his aunt. “Do you know what clan she was from?”

Roy frowned. “No, I don’t. I could call Madam Christmas though. She might remember my mother’s maiden name or have some sort of paperwork with it on there.” So much of his childhood had disappeared after his parents’ deaths. The most he had were a few pictures and documents that had been left at the orphanage with him. Everything else had seemingly vanished. His foster mother had been able to dig up a few more things using her resources, but it hadn’t been much.

“I just thought, maybe, if you were able to find out, after the wedding, we could visit your mother’s clan.” The hopeful look on Alphonse’s face almost made Roy stop in his tracks. “Maybe you would find some relatives.”

Honestly, Roy didn’t know what to say. He truly hadn’t thought a lot about the fact that his mother’s family would still be in Xing. He’d never entertained the idea of coming to Xing before the official invitation to the royal wedding came and by the time they had arrived, he hadn’t had much time to think about being in his mother’s homeland. He didn’t really know the circumstances of his mother traveling to Amestris, except that she had come with a few friends, leaving her family behind. She’d wanted to travel and study in a new country. It could easily be said that he inherited his dreaming and ambitious nature from her.

The idea that he could connect with his mother again in such a small way… It was more than Roy could have ever anticipated. He didn’t realize how much he wanted it until the opportunity was staring him right in the face.

“That would be…” A genuinely grateful smile twitched onto Roy’s face. “That would be nice.”

Alphonse seemed quite pleased with himself and started to talk about some of the artwork as they walked down the hallways towards their quarters. They weren’t allowed to share a room, as it wasn’t proper for unmarried men and women to do so, but at least their rooms were next to each other. Roy found himself too distracted though, Alphonse’s voice a distant sound. Once they reached their rooms, he let them have some time to get adjusted while he went to find May. A few things would need to be done before their arrival was officially announced in the royal court.

Once their luggage arrived, Roy and Riza split off into their respective rooms to get ready. He’d changed into a new uniform right before they had arrived at the station. It had been decided that it would be more appropriate for him to be announced in his military uniform than a nice suit, although he wouldn’t be expected to wear it except for when he was meeting with Emperor Ling, the wedding, and in the royal court. It wouldn’t hurt to freshen up and make sure everything was in place.

Still, Roy found himself distracted the moment he caught sight of his reflection. From the few pictures he had of his parents and the descriptions Madam Christmas had given him, Roy was a near mirror image of his mother. He had her inky dark messy hair and near black eyes that shined with boldness. He had her nose and, judging from one grainy picture, the same lopsided grin. This had been her country, her home, her life. Why had she decided to leave it all behind to go to another country? Why had she married his father? Had she not been happy here? Had she missed it and her family?

Did the family she left behind here even know that she’d married and had a son? Did they know she’d died?

A knock on his door stirred him out of his thoughts. “Come in.”

Though he didn’t look back and continued to mess with his hair, trying to pretend as if he hadn’t been lost in thought, he knew who had entered the room. He could tell by her measured steps and the careful way that she shut the door behind herself. When he turned around to face her, Roy couldn’t help but smile softly. She had a gentle look on her face that told him that he couldn’t hide his thoughts from her.

“It’s a shame you’ll have to wear your military dress blues for the wedding,” Roy sighed as he reached out for her. She didn’t fight him when he pulled her into his arms and rested his cheek against her head. It was a marvel at how well she fit against him, so snug and small. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, the scent of her rose shampoo almost mesmerizing. “You look incredible in a dress.”

Riza started to pull away from him. “Sir, we shouldn’t–”

Roy opened his eyes and stared down into her guarded amber ones. “We’re in a foreign country where all of four people know us, one of whom I’m pretty sure has told epic tales of our love. I think we can live a little.” He gave her a lopsided grin, which she eyed suspiciously, dashing his hopes that that would be enough to convince her to relax. “Think of it as an adventure, a chance to get away and simply be us, even if it’s only for a moment here and there.”

That seemed to spark something in her. A gleam of hope appeared in her eyes and she sighed before leaning back against his chest and slipping her arms around him.

This was something new as well, but he liked it. The moment they’d started to invade each other’s personal space more, he’d known that he wouldn’t be able to stop it. They found themselves connected to each other like magnets drawn to one another. In here, they could be themselves, even if out there, they would have to be respectable again. He had a good idea though that part of the reason Alphonse thought to give them a personal tour of the city was so that they could be together and not have to worry about what others thought.

Yes, this was certainly going to be an adventure, and Roy for one was excited to see where it took them.


	2. B is for Bride

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Riza has an enlightening conversation with a nervous bride-to-be, Lan Fan, about their relationships with the men they love and swore to protect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I really enjoyed writing this one, if only because I got to write a character that I’ve never written before. There are so many parallels between Lan Fan and Riza that it wounds me, and I need like 500 more fics about these two incredible and protective women.

The gardens were quite possibly the most beautiful and enchanting part of the Royal Palace. Riza found that she naturally gravitated to the colorful and lush gardens during the few moments that she had some time to herself. If she was not standing in Roy’s shadow or at his side while they met with some of the higher members of the court, princes and princess of other clans, and others that were highly esteemed, then she found herself wrapped up in the any sort of adventures that Alphonse or May could conjure for them.

Both the princess and younger Elric were ecstatic to have them around and gave them an enthusiastic and incredible view of the city, all the while somehow managing to give Roy and Riza much needed personal space and time together. How they managed to do that in such a large city was beyond her, but she was quite grateful for it nonetheless. She and Roy hadn’t had many opportunities to do such things back in Amestris.

Still, Riza was someone that quite liked time to herself. It gave her a chance to recuperate and gather her thoughts. This trip had certainly put a lot of thoughts in her mind that she’d actively avoided thinking about. She didn’t have the skill to sort through everything on her mind while in the presence of other people, not like Roy, and so she needed quiet times where she could recharge and think about everything.

A trip through the gardens gave her the perfect opportunity to do so. While Roy was having a meeting with the emperor and the highest members of the court, Riza was given a chance to have some alone time. Sure, it had disgruntled her at first, not being able to stand at his side and guard his back, but Roy had given her a reassuring look that everything would be fine, wiggling his gloved fingers at her. Besides, if Riza thought she had been put out by not being allowed into the room with Roy, it was nothing compared to the silent stormy look on Lan Fan’s face. She was going to be married to the man in a day’s time, but she still considered herself her bodyguard.

 _Poor girl,_ Riza mused with a smile on her face as she looked down at the koi fish in a small, man-made pond. It wasn’t easy loving a man that you had promised to protect with your life.

As if her thoughts were able to bring reality to life, Riza rounded a deep green tree on the curvy path and nearly collided with the young Xingese woman. Lan Fan came to a sudden halt, blinking in surprise for a second before a scowl crossed her face. Riza could tell that Lan Fan was not angry with her, but with herself at having not noticed that she was alone in the garden. After all, couldn’t Lan Fan detect another person’s chi? She must have been lost in thought to not have noticed Riza’s presence.

Riza smiled pleasantly. “Frustrated at not being able to attend the meeting?”

There was that hint of surprise again in Lan Fan’s eyes, but then she clamped down on it, pressing her mouth into a thin line and then nodded her head. “I am not used to…not being with him,” she admitted, a blush taking over her face.

Lan Fan was a beautiful young woman and remarkable too, from what Riza had seen. She’d cut off her own useless arm in order to protect the young man she’d sworn her life to, had an automail replacement, and fought in the last battle on the Promised Day less than a year later. She was the type of person that Riza could not be more amazed by and proud of as well. After all, Riza could understand that the devotion that Lan Fan carried within her towards Ling, not just her love. Was that not what had drawn her to serve under Roy all those years ago after the Ishval War, even after all that he had done?

“The General has a terrible habit of getting himself into trouble,” Riza said thoughtfully, almost like she was talking to herself, her gaze sweeping through the garden. It caught Lan Fan’s attention though, her eyes snapping to Riza’s face. “He’s brilliant and an incredibly powerful alchemist, but there are times when his heart overrules his mind, and he can do some fantastically stupid things.”

“The Emperor is the same way,” Lan Fan huffed. “When we first traveled to Amestris, he would disappear from my grandfather and me. He made so many rash decisions.”

Such as allowing a homunculus to invade him and use his body as a vessel. It had given him a Philosopher’s Stone, yes, but he’d been hijacked by another soul as well for a time until they had come to work together. A rash decision indeed.

Something else tickled Riza’s curiosity. “You still refer to the Emperor by his titles?”

“It is only proper,” Lan Fan insisted stubbornly. Oh, how that must frustrate the young emperor. The woman he was going to marry was still captured by everything she had been raised on and taught. Riza couldn’t help but think of another person that was perturbed by someone’s insistence to always be professional.

“He will be your husband as of tomorrow,” Riza pointed out, “and you the Empress of Xing.”

That seemed to take away Lan Fan’s breath. She paled slightly, her dark eyes widening further, as if she was suddenly coming to the realization of what marrying Ling Yao would mean for her. No longer would she be a simple member of the Yao clan or the emperor’s bodyguard, but a member of royalty in her homeland. There had been no true empress of Xing in many years, as the tradition had been for the emperor to merely take on concubines from the clans in order to produce heirs. Lan Fan would be the first and she would pave the path for all the empresses to come after her.

“I do not…” The young woman attempted to steel herself again and reign in her emotions, but she didn’t have the usual mask of a bodyguard to hide behind anymore. Her gaze dropped to the ground. “I do not know what it means to be royalty. I am nothing more than a shadow. I told him that, time and time again, but he would not listen. He said that I am his sun, that I bring light to his world, but I…I do not…”

Riza could somehow tell exactly what Lan Fan was thinking. She honestly believed that she was beneath Ling and she was scared that she was little more than another one of his rash decisions. Lan Fan was a stronger woman than most and had probably been raised as such. Wearing a light purple traditional Xingese dress instead of the old bodyguard garb that she’d worn in Amestris, she tugged the long sleeves over her automail hand, like she was trying to hide it and who she was. How torn she must be, feeling both happy and scared about the future.

“He loves you,” Riza said gently, “and you love him. You’re a strong and brave woman. You will grow into this.”

Lan Fan moved her arm across her chest to grip onto her automail arm. “You make it sound so easy, Captain Hawkeye, but I worry that I shame my family for loving him so. It was not my place, and yet I did.” She finally raised her eyes up again to meet Riza’s. They were as dark as Roy’s. “How do you find peace with that?”

The question caught Riza off guard, causing her to quirk up an eyebrow. “Find peace with what?”

“You and General Mustang.” Lan Fan looked truly confused. “How did you come to terms with loving the man that you swore your life to protect?”

This time, Riza was the one to blush, her cheeks heating up so much that she felt like her face might actually be on fire. Even worse, she could tell that Lan Fan was being earnest with her question and truly wanted to know the answer. Just how had Riza made peace with falling in love with the man whose back she was supposed to guard? How had she learned to accept loving a man who she might have to kill if he ever became too far gone? How was she handling loving someone that she could never truly be with or know that she loved?

“It’s…different with us,” Riza said.

“You serve under him, yes?” Lan Fan persisted. Riza nodded her head. “And he entrusted you to protect him.” Riza nodded once more. “But you love him, even when you should not. You do not seem as troubled by it.”

She made it seem so simple, but then again, she was a commoner about to marry an emperor. The strange urge to laugh bubbled up inside Riza. She had no idea where it came from and yet it rested in her chest. This girl brought up so many things that had sat in Riza’s mind for quite some time, even if she hadn’t acknowledged them herself. It was never that she didn’t think herself good enough for Roy. On the contrary, Roy had more than once told her that he didn’t think he was good enough for her. However, she had thought that it wasn’t her place to love him. She was supposed to protect him, help him rise to the top, nothing more. And yet, she could not stop herself from loving him for her life. It was as involuntary as breathing and perhaps as necessary too.

“I _am_ troubled by it,” Riza finally admitted. “I’m concerned that my personal feelings towards my commanding officer might jeopardize his future and goals. I fear that I’m being selfish and that I do not deserve such things.” Lan Fan’s earnest expression fell. These were not the words that she wanted to hear, but they were the truth and Riza was not known for sugarcoating things or lying. Still, Riza smiled slightly. “But love is not a logical emotion and it’s certainly not controllable. We’ve been together for many years. Every time we were separated, we always found each other again. I’m sure he would say something about fate bringing us together. I could not imagine loving someone else or wanting to, even if it would make things so much easier and less painful.”

Lan Fan bit her lip. “When the Emperor…when Ling first told me that he loved me, I begged him to tell me that he was lying. And when he refused, I did not speak to him for two weeks. He never cornered me or questioned me or demanded that I speak with him. He waited and gave me the time I needed before I realized that I could not stand to be parted from him for one more second.” She shook her head. “I ask myself daily: why do I love such a difficult man? My life would be so much easier if I had not.”

Oh yes, Riza could understand that perfectly. It would have been so easy if Roy had not returned her feelings, if he had not been the one to cross the carefully drawn boundary lines and kiss her, if he had never murmured that he loved her while they laid in bed together and he traced the scars the marred her skin. She’d been so terrified then. She still was now, if she was being honest. Roy had always had a troublesome relationship with rules. He was told from the day they met to leave her alone and that he was not to form any sort of personal relationship with her, so of course he would go ahead and fall in love with her.

Much like Riza and Roy, Lan Fan and Ling had never stood a chance.

“Easier, yes, but better?” Riza looked up to the blue sky, watching as a few white birds flew overhead. “I would not trade what I feel for anything.”

When Riza looked back at the young woman, Lan Fan gave her a hopeful look. “Maybe one day, you and the General…”

Riza smiled. “Maybe. Until that day, I’ve got a job to do.”

“You are perhaps a better bodyguard than me,” Lan Fan said, a light chuckle following her words.

“I will never stop protecting him,” Riza said, “as I’m sure you won’t either.”

Just as she was nodding her head in agreement, Lan Fan froze and a blank expression returned to her face when she caught sight of something behind Riza. When she turned around, Riza found Roy standing some ways behind them in the gardens, standing attentively as he waited for her. He was back in his military uniform since he’d been in the meeting with the emperor. After murmuring a goodbye to Lan Fan, who thanked her quietly, Riza walked towards Roy.

“Are you hungry?” Roy asked when she reached him. “Alphonse said that he wanted to make lunch for us. He apparently took a lot of lessons from the royal chef and has become quite the cook.”

“Lunch sounds great.” Riza had found that the food in Xing was different from the Xingese food that she’d had during festivals or any of the little restaurants that had popped up. It was taking her a little longer to get used to all the spices used, unlike Roy who had taken to the food with particular fanaticism, but she liked it. She also liked the fact that Alphonse could eat the food that he cooked now that he had his body. Such a simple thing, but it made her smile even years later.

As they made their way through the palace, Roy gave her a curious sideways glance. “So what did you and the future Empress talk about?”

“The foolish men that we protect,” Riza teased. When Roy gave her a rather affronted look, a small smile crossed her face, one that was almost too small to be seen. She knew that Roy caught it though. “And love.”

Roy hummed contently and nodded his head, returning his gaze forward again. At their sides, their hands brushed against each other and he gripped her fingers to squeeze them for just a second before letting go and sliding his hand into his pocket. No, it wasn’t easy and he was definitely the most difficult man she knew, but Riza loved him with her life and would protect him with it too. She’d accepted that a long time ago.


	3. C is for Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During dinner with the royal Xingese members and Alphonse, Roy has a realization about his uncertain future with Riza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here, I pretend to be all light-hearted and then go straight for the jugular. Nice going.

There looked to be enough food to feed a small village on the table before him. Roy was pretty damn hungry and had found a love for traditional Xingese food, but he did not think that they would be able to eat all of what was in front of them. He couldn’t name most of the stuff that was on the table, except for picking out a protein and some vegetables here and there. It had been decades since he’d ever wanted for food, but this would have possibly fed the entire orphanage that he’d lived in for a few months of his childhood and the staff.

“It really wasn’t necessary to go to such lengths, Alphonse,” Roy finally managed, still gaping at the spread.

Princess May strolled around the table to place the last bit of silverware down. “You haven’t eaten with my half brother yet, have you?”

At that, Roy started. “The Emperor is coming?” He glanced down at his civilian clothes. While they were nice as usual, they were far too casual to wear while in the presence of the Emperor. It had been decided by the high members of the royal court that Roy was to wear his military uniform whenever he was near Ling. “I should–”

“We were specifically told not to tell you of his coming in advance,” Alphonse interrupted smoothly, wearing a knowing smile. “He didn’t want you tied up with formalities.”

Although he looked uncomfortable at first, a quick glance at Riza soothed Roy’s nerves. There was a hint of a smile on her face and she nodded her head at him before sitting down at the table. Once Roy sat down next to her, Alphonse and May looked at one another, both of them with looks that came off as a little too amused for his taste.

Ling arrived shortly after, holding onto Lan Fan’s hand and pulling her behind him and beaming brightly. His blushing bride was a little more closed off, but he didn’t seem to mind. He waved at Roy to stay in his seat when he went to stand up and bow and bounded into a seat at the head of the table. Dinner began quickly after that. May had only been hinting at what her brother did whenever food was put in front of him. The young emperor seemed to inhale the food more than eat it with astonishing speed and little regard for manners. It took a lot in Roy to not laugh out loud, especially when he caught sight of Riza’s particularly wide eyes.

“Sorry for surprising you like this,” Ling said as he wiggled a clean chicken bone between his fingers. “I just get so tired of all the formalities.”

“They are there for a reason,” Lan Fan pointed out.

Ling dropped the bone on his empty plate. “Well, sometimes, it feels like the only reason they exist are to hold me back from accomplishing anything.”

Though he had already known that Ling was rather unconventional for an emperor, it amazed him to hear such a familiar argument between other people. He could hear Riza’s voice in his mind clear as day as if she was the one speaking and not Lan Fan, carefully reminding him of the lines that they’d created. Just hearing it though made him want to reach under the table to grab her hand and squeeze it. A quick flick of his eyes to hers kept his hand still, as she seemed to know exactly what he was thinking and didn’t even need to speak in order for him to know that their own formalities held up even when in the company of people they trusted.

That silent near telepathic communication between them didn’t make Roy feel any better as he watched Ling grasp hold of Lan Fan’s hand and gently pull her towards him to kiss her on the forehead.

“I will be happy once the wedding is over and all the fuss about it dies down,” Ling admitted, tearing his eyes away from the woman that would be his wife tomorrow. An almost embarrassed grimace crossed his face and Lan Fan seemed to look everywhere but at him. “But it will bring a whole new batch of problems.”

“Oh?” Roy leaned back in his seat. “Like what?”

“Like children,” May answered with a decidedly wicked grin on her face. Lan Fan’s face flooded red as she stared at a tapestry on the wall while even Ling cringed again. “Everyone is clamoring for him to have an heir as fast as possible. With the old laws, producing an heir was never a problem, as the opportunity came about quite frequently. They will be harping on the two of them often to produce results as quickly as possible in order to secure his control of the throne.”

This time, Roy could not help himself. He meant to merely chuckle, but taking one look at how much the engaged couple were blushing and determinedly not looking at one another, Roy burst out into laughter. It earned a startled look from Riza, but that didn’t stop him. Alphonse began to laugh as well while May still wore a sneaky grin. The fact that Ling and Lan Fan would have people basically hounding them to have sex was in itself hilarious. It wasn’t an ideal situation and it may inhibit the ability to perform at first, but…

They would have people trying to ensure that they were performing their duties in bed while he and Riza had people making sure that they didn’t.

“It is a serious matter,” Lan Fan mattered, which only caused May to snort.

“Does it not bother you, dear sister, that the royal court members are trying to force you out of your position as my declared heir?” Ling asked, turning a sharp glare onto his younger half sister.

May shrugged her shoulders. “Less responsibility for me then.”

The old tensions between the two of them that Roy had remembered from all those years ago felt nonexistent now. Their struggle to find a Philosopher’s Stone in order to secure their chance at their dying father’s throne had put a wedge in between them. Ling had won that battle, but he had promised to save and protect May’s clan as well, which had been more of her goal all along. She had confided in Riza that she was grateful now to have not gotten the Philosopher’s Stone, as she didn’t want to be Empress. Being a princess, even if she was Ling’s heir by decree, gave her more freedom than she would have had had she been the ruler of Xing.

“Ed keeps saying that you need to catch up,” Alphonse teased. “He’s younger than you, and yet he’s married with two kids before you even got engaged.”

“A lot had to be done and changed before I could even consider it,” Ling protested. Instead of agreeing with him though, Alphonse and May grinned at each other. They seemed to be taking quite a bit of pleasure out of teasing the emperor and his soon-to-be wife. Roy didn’t think Lan Fan’s face could handle blushing any further. Judging from the way she was gripping a butter knife, he didn’t think it wise to try to see. “At any rate, I am doing far better than General Mustang and Captain Hawkeye.”

That managed to swipe the smirk right off Roy’s face. His eyes snapped to the young emperor, who was staring at him so unashamedly that it looked as if he knew all of Roy’s secret thoughts about his adjutant. Riza started in her seat as well, which caused Roy to put a hand on her arm to still her. The action brought about a round of perceptive glances from the four younger people at the table. Roy almost winced and slowly retracted his hand away from her.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Roy declared firmly. “We have a carefully maintained professional relationship–”

“Oh come now!” May burst out, brimming with so much energy that she about jumped to her feet. “We all know that there is something between you two. I saw how much you cared for her on the Promised Day. And I can see it in you now, perhaps even more so.”

When Roy turned to face Alphonse, the younger Elric only smiled. “It was fairly obvious to me that you two were more than superior officer and subordinate.”

“We’re friends,” Roy insisted, though not terribly strong. “We’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Friends that love each other,” May huffed. She was the youngest out of the bunch, but while she may have outgrown her childish daydreams about storybook love, she still seemed intent on seeing it between them.

The awful thing was that she wasn’t wrong. What she had seen between Roy and Riza on the Promised Day hadn’t been a moment between a commanding officer and his subordinate or even a relieving moment between friends. Roy had recognized those precious few seconds for what they were: a time when he could hold the love of his life and quake in the fact that he’d nearly lost the woman he loved so very much.

Roy blinked. “I…”

Riza didn’t even dare say a word, choosing to keep her eyes away from him when he looked at her for some sort of help. He did note that she took a much larger gulp of red wine than she normally would have. Not as big a gulp as he would have liked to have. His mouth was practically a desert. An entire bottle of wine didn’t feel like it would be enough to quench his thirst or dull his mind enough. How had four people who were basically children compared to him and Riza outwitted them so easily about something they’d managed to hide for so long?

“We can’t,” Riza finally spoke up.

“Can’t?” May demanded almost darkly. “Or won’t?”

“We _can’t_ ,” Riza stressed emphatically, painfully. Roy could not stop himself from flinching in his seat. That word alone made him want to turn away from her in shame. He had done this to her, hadn’t he? And yet, despite the pain, she did not sound like she regretted it or was angry about it. On the contrary, she sounded decisive and firm. “It was a decision we both made a long time ago. Anti-fraternization laws in the Amestris government notwithstanding, we have too many goals and promises that we intend to keep in order to make up for our past sins before we can allow ourselves the luxury of being together.”

A pained silence settled over the table as everyone soaked in Riza’s words. Out of everyone, Lan Fan seemed to understand them the most, nodding her head to herself. Of course she would be able to comprehend their position the best, having once been a mere trusted bodyguard to a prince. Ling looked somewhat ashamed. Roy could not dash away the laws holding him back from marrying Riza as Ling had done to marry Lan Fan – and Ling knew that Roy wouldn’t do that anyways, even if he could. Alphonse looked so sad that it made Roy look away from the younger Elric’s disappointed face. For some reason, it only made Roy feel guilty. Out of everyone, May appeared the most devastated, a film of tears covering her big, dark eyes.

“Forget about us though,” Roy proclaimed. “We’re old. We’re the past, even if we are working to better the future.” He raised his glass of wine. “This week is for the youth that are paving the way to a better tomorrow. And I intend to celebrate the first wedding of a Xing Emperor with hope and joy.”

After exchanging a nervous glances between one another, everyone else raised a glass to toast his as well with Alphonse cheering the loudest after him. When May nearly burst into tears about how excited she was to see such an event perspire, an actual wedding for an Emperor of Xing, Ling laughed and bounded over to pull his half sister into a hug. The strange tension began to dissipate after that, much to Roy’s relief. But even as Ling teased May about being soft and still silly, Roy grabbed Riza’s hand under the table and squeezed it. He didn’t need to look at her to feel the quiet relief that resided in her.

Once dinner was over, Ling and Lan Fan retired to their separate bedchambers. Roy spoke with Alphonse a little longer to inquire if Edward and Winry would make it on time for the wedding. When he stepped out of the room, he spotted Riza in a dark corner of the hallway with Princess May, who was speaking to her in exaggerated hand motions and passionate whispers. When Riza’s eyes glanced up to meet Roy’s, she smiled faintly and May stopped talking immediately. Bidding them both a good night, May hurried back into the room where Alphonse was helping the servants clean.

Neither Roy nor Riza spoke as they made their way to their bedrooms. He bid Riza a good night before stepping into his room and then immediately halted once the door shut behind him. His mind was flooded with too many things. The pressures that would be on Ling and Lan Fan, the sadness in Alphonse’s eyes at Riza’s admission, the frustration that seemed to be overflowing in May, the fact that Edward and Winry would be showing up with two children in tow despite being so much younger than them…

Roy found himself in front of Riza’s door without even realizing that he’d left his room. Judging from the way that Riza opened the door, he’d apparently knocked as well. Before she could say anything though, Roy stormed inside, turned on his heels, and blurted out, “Do you want children?”

Riza greeted him with incredibly wide eyes, showcasing the rich brown of her irises. Immediately Roy berated himself on the inside for asking such an asinine question. They’d never talked about having a serious relationship or what it’d be like to be open about their feelings for one another in public, much less talked about marriage and children.

But if only for a moment, he could hear Hughes’ voice speaking in his ear, like it was over a telephone, telling him how incredible it felt to be a father. How he felt like a human for the first time in years. Oh, the man had loved Gracia with all his heart and soul, but even he’d had to put on an act every now and then when the pain of Ishval came back to haunt him. With Elicia’s birth though… Roy remembered all too well holding the newborn baby girl for the first time and catching the confused look on his best friend’s face.

 _“I feel like a new man,”_ Hughes had said.

And wasn’t that what Roy truly desired for himself? To feel like a new man? To feel like someone other than the Flame Alchemist, the Hero of Ishval? Oh, could he be more selfish? He had never considered what it would be like to be a father until this very moment, and the feelings were more overwhelming than he could have ever anticipated.

Pushing the thoughts of his best friend and goddaughter aside, Roy ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have–”

“I don’t know,” Riza interrupted in such a quiet voice that Roy nearly missed it. When he looked at her, he found that she was staring at the floor. “Killers don’t make good parents.”

Roy stepped towards her and grabbed her hands, pulling at them to make her look up at him. “Protectors do.”

“You said it yourself: we’re the past,” Riza pointed out. “Maybe it’s too late for us. Maybe that is something that will never be meant for us.”

“We’ve still got time,” Roy said.

Riza’s shoulders dropped. “Do we?”

“You’re hardly an old woman,” Roy scoffed.

The smile on Riza’s face was too quick to be anything but teasing. “Unlike you, old man. I do believe I see a gray hair on your head.”

Unable to stop himself, Roy swept a hand over his hair yet again and then glowered at her. “The consequences of dealing with stubborn subordinates, not age.” Before she could laugh or say anything further though, he pulled her towards him so that he could kiss her, tangling his fingers in her hair. He loved how soft it felt, how it seemed to glide through his touch. “I don’t want to be the reason you miss out on something you want.”

“This is my decision, my choice,” Riza told him as he leaned his forehead against yours. “I chose this life with you, even knowing what I did and knowing what would happen.”

That was the difference between him and Riza. While she was content with what she could get, as she deemed it more than she deserved, he was always seeking more. She could accept while he struggled forward. It was what made them such an incredible team and cut them to the quick at the same time. He loved her for the way that she took charge of her life choices and took responsibility and she loved him for the way he fought and tried to change everything for the better. How simple and yet oh so painful.


	4. D is for Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ling and Lan Fan's wedding reminds Roy of what he might not be able to have, but the company during the reception reminds him that he still has more than he ever dreamed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry about the wait! Not having had internet for over two weeks has been the death of me. Also, I kind of skimped on this because I didn’t feel like doing research on my phone, so I glazed over the actual wedding. Apologies, but there’s only so much loading I can take. With that being said, enjoy the fluff and only a hint of angst!

The wedding had been what dreams were made of. It had been a traditional Xingese wedding, amplified by a hundred with what Roy could only assume were a hundred additions tacked on because it was the first actual royal wedding of the country. For the most part, when princes and princesses were married off, it was merely to further gain and while they were more proper and exceptional than the everyday wedding in Xing, nothing could compare to the wedding between the Emperor and the first ever true Empress of Xing.

Honestly, Roy had only been able to understand bits here and there. The entire ceremony had been performed in Xingese and there were so many things going on that he’d had trouble focusing on just one thing, much less the language that he had a dim grasp on. At least he knew more than Riza. Other languages had never been her forte, try as she might, while he’d had a ridiculous amount of words borrowed from foreign languages crammed into his brain during his alchemy training. Luckily, the skill had rubbed off on him, and he’d spent nearly the past twenty years reading up on different languages.

It shamed him a little to realize that he knew more Drachman than Xingese, considering his heritage, but for some reason, he’d stayed away from the language. It was almost like it was too close to something real, too close to the past that he had lost and would never get back, too close to the mother whom he could barely remember beyond a proud face, a loving touch, and a beautiful singing voice. Just studying the language briefly before their trip for the wedding had reminded him of things he’d long thought were forgotten.

Besides what he’d read in a few books, he didn’t know how weddings in Xing were performed, but they certainly weren’t anything like they were in Amestris. The ceremony was much more formal and involved a lot of rituals that went right over Roy’s head. It was interesting though. Even Alphonse, who had probably seen a Xingese wedding or two during his stay in the country, seemed absolutely entranced. Edward, on the other hand, watched with narrowed, suspicious eyes and damn near choked once the incense was burned to high heaven. May and Winry both were teary-eyed with May holding little babbling Ben in her lap while Winry cradled a sleeping Sara.

When Roy sneaked a glance at Riza at his side as the ceremony came to an end, he didn’t know whether to be disappointed or not when he caught sight of the impassive look on her face. She didn’t seem to be fraught with emotions like everyone else. Instead her expression matched that of most of the members of the royal high court as she looked on. However, the second she felt his eyes on her, she looked at him and Roy was taken aback by what he saw in her amber eyes: a muted pain, a desperate longing that she was trying so hard to hide. It was only there for a second before it vanished again, replaced by a picturesque calm, but it had been enough to let him know why she was being so blank-faced.

The wedding, however beautiful, was not enough to distract Riza from the fact that she would perhaps never get one herself. It was far too fancy and wrought with rituals and traditions – there were too many people and it was terribly formal – but it didn’t matter. He could not give her anything like this, not with the way they were now. They would never be able to publically announce their love for one another, cheesy as it sounded. She had always assured him that things like this didn’t matter to her – and perhaps they truly didn’t – but her heart could play tricks on her mind when it wanted to.

A wedding, their wedding, was nothing but a dream.

Roy was silently grateful that Riza did not pull away from him when he reached down to grasp her hand that sat in the bench between their thighs so no one could see. The fact was that now that the same thought had hit him, he was beginning to feel like this wedding was more of a brutally honest nightmare than an incredible dream.

“Wasn’t it absolutely beautiful?” Winry gushed once they sat down at a table specifically reserved for them. It was the closest table to the bride and groom’s table, which was near scandalous considering that it technically put them above the members of the royal court, but it was the one thing that both Ling and Lan Fan agreed on when it came to breaking tradition even further. They were honored guests and to be treated respectfully as such.

Ed eyed the food that was starting to be carted out, a greedy look in his eyes already. Roy, for one, couldn’t wait to see the younger man’s reaction when he bit into the spicy food. “It was certainly long. I could barely make sense of half of it. Could you even understand what was going on?”

Should she have been carrying a wrench on her, Roy was almost positive that Winry would’ve whacked Ed over the head with it. Instead, she settled for glowering at him. “It was about love. That’s all that matters.” She arched an eyebrow at him. “At least he didn’t spend his entire vows blubbering over equivalent exchange.”

“It’s not my fault you managed to turn the very basic principle of how I live my life completely on its end,” Ed insisted. Though not the most romantic thing in the world to say, it seemed to melt Winry a little and the two of them gave each other soft, if not a little embarrassed looks. Married with two kids and they still managed to blush whenever they were affectionate with one another in public. How absurd.

A quick look at the faintly amused expression on Riza’s face at least told Roy that he was not alone in his thoughts. She probably thought it was sweet though. The only other thing he managed to feel was a stab of envy towards Ed, if only because he could publicly display his affection for the woman he loved while Roy was relegated to shooting his soft looks from across the room, gentle and appropriate touches, murmured implicit words, and waiting until they were alone. Even then, those were dangerous.

Roy just barely avoided scowling into his wine. This was supposed to be a joyous celebration, and here he was, feeling envious towards someone that he’d once only been able to see as a kid even after all these years.

His attention was pulled away when a chair scraped the floor and Alphonse plopped into the seat next to his brother. “May will be here soon.” He gave them a somewhat sheepish smile. “She’s technically supposed to sit at another table with her half siblings, but she says that the wedding will turn into a murder if she’s stuck with them for any longer.”

As he began to pile food onto his plate, Ed gave his brother a careful look over. “You’re not planning to have your wedding here, are you? Not that this hasn’t been fun and the ceremony wasn’t great” – he gave Winry a pointed look here, which she nodded at approvingly – “but the trip was honestly a struggle. I love traveling, but with two kids in tow, I’m beginning to realize why people hated traveling with us.”

Alphonse choked on his drink. “My wedding?”

Ah, yes, now this was something that Roy could enjoy. He smiled charmingly. “You could always do two ceremonies, of course. May is a princess and the appointed heir until Ling and Lan Fan have a child. They won’t allow her to simply skimp off on a traditional wedding here. So one here for the people of Xing and her family and one in Amestris for your family and friends.”

“I think May would rather like to have a traditional wedding Amestris,” Riza mused. The fact that she was joining in on ribbing the poor kid made Roy want to burst into hysterics. Ed seemed surprised, if only because Riza sounded so damn serious and thoughtful, while Alphonse looked a little betrayed. Surely she would not stoop so low as to tease him about such things. Roy knew, however, that Riza was full of surprises. “She really enjoyed the exchanging of vows. They don’t do that in Xingese weddings. She loved how romantic Ed and Winry’s wedding was instead of being filled with proper rituals.”

“And think of her in a wedding dress!” Winry exclaimed. “She was so helpful with mine when it needed a few last minute alterations.” She picked up her baby daughter, who was beginning to act a little fussy. “Oh, if you wait just two more years, Sara could be a flower girl.”

“That’s… I’m… May…” Alphonse couldn’t string more than two words together at a time.

In fact, he was still taking turns gaping at all of them when May bounded towards them, throwing her arms around Alphonse and making him jump a little, before laughing and sitting down beside him. “How is everyone enjoying the ceremony so far?”

“Nothing!” Alphonse practically shouted. May eyed him curiously, considering that didn’t answer her question in the slightest. When he seemed to realize that, Alphonse turned bright red all the across his face and to his ears. He didn’t appear to be capable of answering properly though, so he just clamped his mouth shut and stared down at his empty plate with an intense focus.

After deciding not to ask questions, although Roy was positive that she would press Alphonse for them later, May turned her attention back to everyone else and smiled. “I am sure it was somewhat boring and contrived. There are so many rituals that have to be observed and then some. I thought it was going to last forever. Ling had to fight to cut the ceremony down to two hours.”

“It’s the first wedding of its kind in this country,” Roy observed. “I’m just they want to make it count.”

“Well, I, for one, am not going to allow them to bully me into anything like this for my wedding,” May proudly proclaimed.

Somehow, Alphonse’s face managed to get redder while Roy and Ed shot grins at one another. May either didn’t notice as she turned to ask little Ben a few silly questions or decided not to bother with them. Although he was always the proper gentleman to her and Roy had never seen him act improperly with the princess, it was clear to him that Alphonse cared about May as more than a friend. It was easy to see when he had held himself back from being improper with the woman he loved for so long. He could tell when Alphonse held himself back, reaching out touch May and then pulling back at the last minute, looking at her so warmly when her eyes weren’t on him and then blinking it away in a dash when she turned to face him.

The poor kid had it bad.

(And at the rate Roy was going, Alphonse would get married before Roy did.)

The food was a welcomed distraction. Roy did his best not to eat with the same gusto that Ed did, however he could not stop himself from laughing when Ed unwittingly tried the spiciest dish available and started to choke. He muttered things about Ling trying to kill him as he gulped down nearly a pitcher of water unabashedly. Roy had a good time leaning back in his seat and watching the younger crowd talk. It was relaxing, normal, nice. Ling and Lan Fan managed to swing by for a second, so that they could offer their congratulations and compliment them on the ceremony. Their short visit ended with Ling stealing food off Ed’s plate and Ed waving a fist at him, much to the shocked royal court members’ horror.

Roy was watching as Winry handed off a one year-old Sara to Riza, who took the baby carefully. She little one had a head of thick golden blond hair that would grow to match Ed’s most like, but she had blue eyes and a face more like her mother’s. It was both warm and disheartening to watch Riza hold the baby, looking down at the fragile thing like it was the most beautiful thing in the world. Sara giggled as she wiggled in Riza’s arms and Riza smiled right back, nuzzling noses with her like he knew she sometimes did Black Hayate.

A tug at his military dress jacket grabbed Roy’s attention and he looked down to see that it was Ben. At three years-old, Ben looked more and more like his father every day. He had a mop of golden blond hair styled in the same way Ed’s had been at twelve and bright golden eyes that shone with curiosity, along with a big cheesy grin to match. Roy somehow knew that when he was older, he would radiate that same thirst for knowledge about alchemy that Ed and Roy had. It didn’t feel so threatening anymore, but for some reason, it scared him a little.

“And how are you, Ben?” Roy asked as he easily picked up the three year-old and set him on his lap. He caught Ed watching them out of the corner of his eyes, a rather speculative look on his face, but then Roy focused his attention on the young boy.

“You look like everyone here,” Ben stated plainly. “Are you from here?”

The child’s direct comment took Roy a little off guard, though he knew that Ben didn’t mean any offense. That was just how a lot of children were. They observed something and then asked blunt questions based off their observations. Ben was no different. In fact, Roy could wager that he was even worse, the kind of child that kept asking “why” after every explanation was given to him. Ed had been no better.

“Sort of,” Roy answered. “My mother was from Xing. That’s why I look like everyone here; because I look like her.”

“Like I look like Dad,” Ben added. Roy nodded his head. The boy then screwed up his face in concentration, an amusing expression that he had clearly inherited from Ed. Roy had seen that exact look on Ed’s face whenever he had been stuck in a rut with his research. “Then why do you live in Armestis if your mom is from here?”

Roy smiled at Ben’s mispronunciation of his own country. It was a difficult word for a three year-old. “My father was from Amestris. He married my mother while she was visiting the country and they had me. I suppose they thought it easier to live in Amestris than cross a desert with a baby.”

Ben nodded his head wisely, as if he understood exactly what went on in the minds of Roy’s parents all those years ago. “Traveling with a baby is not fun. Sara can’t play yet, so all she did was sleep or cry.”

“You used to cry and sleep that much too, you know.”

An almost aghast look on Ben’s face, he shook his head. “I did not!”

“You cried the first time I held you, and your dad ran into the room thinking I’d dropped you,” Roy told him.

Ben rounded on his father. “You did? Uncle Roy would never drop me.” Ed wore a look that suggested he was feeling betrayed that his own flesh and blood would defend Roy so heartily. “He’s strong! He can put me on his shoulders and carry me around for hours.”

Yeah, and his back and shoulders suffered for it hours afterwards, although Roy would never admit to such things aloud. The snort that emitted from Ed told him that he knew as much anyways.

Once dessert was brought out, Ben went back to his seat so that he could stuff his face like most children his age did, but it definitely reminded him of the way that Ed had ate back when he was unknowingly nourishing his body along with Alphonse’s back in the Gate. Riza, May, Winry, and Alphonse talked about how the Winry’s automail business was flourishing and the travels that May had gone on with Alphonse further east while Roy asked Ed about the new book that he was about to publish. Roy was more than pleased to find that Ed’s passion for alchemy and learning hadn’t faded along with his skills. The table was a strange mash up, but it kind of felt like family to him.

And honestly, to have a family had somehow become one of his dreams later in life. Roy could just picture Hughes nodding and smiling in response, as if he knew all along what his best friend would want. The man had seen things where no one else could. Of course he’d been right.


	5. E is for Envy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little drunk on wine during the wedding reception, Roy comes to some bitter realizations about his relationship with Riza, but Edward has some surprising thoughts as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a little trouble figuring out what to do for this one, but once I decided on a word, not caring if it’s a fairly obvious one, I ran with it – and I’m really happy with how this turned out. You all know how weak I am for some good ole parental!Royed. Well, this whole scenario just made things better (or worse, depending on how you look at it). Poor Roy. He’s…a moody drunk.

It was the wine’s fault, Roy decided. The ceremony had lasted well into the night with entertainment, food, and drink continuously flowing about. To be honest, he wasn’t sure how much he’d had to drink, although he could at least say that he handled his alcohol better than some of the people in the room. He watched as one royal court member stood to make a proclamation and then collapsed to the ground in a heap. Of course, Roy knew the trick to pretending to be more sober than you were was to not stand up and make an idiot out of himself.

Nonetheless, it was very difficult not to do when Riza was so close to him. She hadn’t drank as much as he had – and in his defense, he hadn’t realized that his glass was being constantly refilled until an hour ago –but her cheeks were a little pink, her amber eyes were brighter than normal, and her lips were stained red from the wine. There was a smile playing about her lips and she was a looser, more at ease and open, though she remained reticent as usual. She didn’t blather about when she drank like her best friend did.

Still, with her like that, every time she moved, his eyes were dragged over to her. She’d let her hair down some time before and it cascaded over her shoulders and down her back like a waterfall that he wanted to run his fingers through. Maybe it was the wine, but he swore that he could see her clothes shift against her body and it was making him feel awfully uncomfortable at times. He was having a good time, honestly he was, but a part of him wanted to drag Riza away into a dark corner and taste the oaky red that she’d been sipping on all night.

The alcohol seemed to have had an effect on the rest of the occupants of the table as well. After prompting from Alphonse and May that they would take care of Ben and Sara tonight for them, Ed and Winry had been allowed to let loose a little as well. Winry apparently had a higher tolerance for alcohol than her husband did, probably from her time as an apprentice in Rush Valley, but Ed refused to admit to such a thing and had tried to match Roy drink for drink.

This was only the second time that Roy had ever seen Ed drunk, and it was a sight to be seen. The last time had been during Ed’s bachelor party that Roy had somehow been tricked and forced into going, and the whisky had not agreed with the poor kid’s stomach. Wine seemed better for the second go around, although Ed went with the sweet stuff. That sugar was going to be hell for him the next day if he didn’t drink more water. Roy had pointed that out, but Ed had merely scoffed at him.

It turned out that, similar to Hughes when he drank, Ed tended to be on the…gushier side. He talked a lot and at an incredibly fast rate. Roy would’ve been able to understand him just fine if he was sober, but after a few hours of drinking, he was beginning to question if Ed wasn’t slipping into foreign languages every now and then. He gesticulated wildly, almost smacking Winry in the face a few times, but whenever he did make a close call, he’d turn to her immediately and apologize, sweeping her bangs out of her face and giving her overly fond looks.

God, Ed acted so much like Hughes when he was drunk that it honestly caught Roy off guard at first. Ed didn’t even seem to notice either. He just kept on talking and gesturing and listing off every single achievement of his wife and kids with record speed before switching over to talk about his latest trip and research for his book. One second he would talk about Ben’s above average spelling and language skills and the next he would be going on about this little village he’d stopped in on the West border without missing a beat before finishing up with how Winry helped a child regain the ability to walk using her automail skills.

It was terribly uncanny and heartwarming.

And then somewhere along the line, without any warning, a hint of bitterness began to infect Roy’s blood, like it had poisoned his wine.

Roy didn’t even notice it until he watched Ed and Winry kiss, a rare display of public affection for them as Ed tended to blush whenever he did so. They were holding hands too, as if neither one of them wanted to let go of the other, and the warmth and love in their gazes was so bold and open that it was almost startling. Ed was rather reserved with any emotions that didn’t involve anger, so seeing him so sweet and loving with Winry took Roy back a little. He suddenly wished that he could hold Riza’s hand, even if it was under the table, or gently tug on her hair to get her attention, whisper sweet things in her ear that made her smile shyly, just kiss her on the cheek.

But this little punk, this kid that he’d watched transform from a broken child into a proud young man, he had all the things that Roy wanted so desperately. It hit him like a punch to the chest, nearly taking the air out of his lungs, as Winry laughed at something a blushing Ed told her and then him begging Winry to not tell a curious May what he had said.

Roy’s stomach flipped and his hand clenched around his wine glass as a powerful wave of envy swept over him.

Forcing himself to relax his grip, he picked up the wine glass and smoothly downed the rest of his wine and then held the glass out until a passing attendant refilled it. The only reason he didn’t down his drink once more was because of the curious glance Riza gave him. Fighting the urge to wince, he set the wine glass down and then made the mistake of catching eyes with Ed, who had gone strangely silent in the babbling group and was focusing a rather intense gaze on him.

“Pardon me for a moment,” Roy said as he stood up from his seat. He used all of his focus to remain as steady as possible and totally passive, but a fog drifted through his mind. When Riza went to stand to follow him, just to make sure that he was safe, he waved her away. She furrowed her brow, looking more than discontent, but he merely shook his head at her. He didn’t need her to guard his back all the time. They were at a wedding with plenty of sober guards around to make sure things stayed peaceful and safe. No expenses had been spared and Ling had practically commanded Riza to have fun for once.

Taking delicate care to measure his steps as he walked, Roy weaved his way through the crowd. Instead of stepping into the hallway to find a washroom, however, he ducked through one of the large doors that led to an outside balcony, shutting the door behind him as quietly as he could. Closing his eyes for a second, he took in a gulp of fresh air, relishing in the cool wind that blew against his face. It wasn’t too cold – not like the desert and Ishval could get during night – but it had begun to feel stuffy inside the large crowded ballroom.

He opened his eyes and walked towards the balcony rails, leaning against the concrete and staring down into the garden below. It was beautiful down there. He knew that it was Riza’s favorite part of the palace. There were so many bright and exotic flowers that he’d never even heard of before. If it wasn’t punishable by death to pick something from the royal garden, she would’ve found a different flower in her room every morning. Instead he had walked through it with her once and commented on every beautiful flower while gazing at her. It was hard to enjoy the beauty of the garden when she had been wearing traditional Xingese clothes that May had given her.

A frustrated snort bubbled out from the back of his throat. He couldn’t even directly compliment Riza when they were in public. How pathetic. He could only hope that she knew that seeing her face that first time after his eyesight was restored was more beautiful than the royal garden could ever be. Utterly useless.

“That was some pretty quick running for someone that’s drunk,” a voice called from behind him.

Roy didn’t bother turning around fully and instead lazily turned his head and rolled his eyes back to glare towards the person bothering him. There was Ed, of course, leaning against the door. He looked casual with his arms folded across his chest and a mild expression on his face, but his face was flushed from the alcohol and Roy could tell that Ed was leaning against the door partially to keep himself from wavering on his feet. It was hard to talk someone down when you were stumbling about.

Turning to look back over the balcony, Roy merely replied, “I needed some air.”

“Weddings not your thing, Mustang?” Ed asked. The scuffling of feet behind him told Roy that Ed was making his way to him, but he didn’t look over when the younger man appeared at his side. “I remember you sneaking off during the reception of my wedding for a while after taking advantage of the open bar.”

Roy had to bite his tongue to keep himself from insulting Ed and telling him that the reason he’d stepped out of Ed’s wedding had been because it was boring as hell. It wouldn’t have been true anyways and while he had done his fair share of lying before, he’d never truly outright lied to Ed. He couldn’t even say why. Ed had called Roy a lying bastard in multiple variations throughout the years, but the awful truth was that Roy could never really bring himself to lie straight up to the kid when he did it with everyone else. It was true without a doubt – he was a liar and a manipulator and straight up a bastard – but the only true time he’d lied to Ed had been when Hughes was murdered. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to tell Ed and Alphonse the truth and told himself and Riza that it was because he didn’t want to distract them from their goals.

“There’s a reason I don’t go to weddings very often,” Roy instead said.

Ed blew out some air. “I figured a ladies’ man like you would enjoy a good wedding.” He held his hands up as if holding someone to dance with and wiggled around in a mock dance. It was enough to cause Roy to raise an eyebrow at him. Damn, that wine sure did have a wild effect on Ed. “I’m sure you could manage to sway some poor, unsuspecting, sappy girl with your suspiciously graceful dancing skills.”

Roy frowned. “I’m not sure if that was a compliment or an insult.”

“I don’t know either,” Ed admitted. Considering that he kept any compliments to Roy at an absolute minimum even now and still laced them with insults to keep things normal, Roy figured it was both.

A not terribly uncomfortable silence came over them as each of them contemplated what had caused Roy to dash out of the reception so suddenly. Years ago, this would have been painful. Ed would’ve been itching to burst out with every bit of stream of consciousness in his brain and Roy would’ve been doing his best to ignore that the kid was there. Not that he hadn’t cared for Ed in his own strange way, but they hadn’t handled being alone together very well. Ed was always brimming with energy and ready to fight whereas Roy felt like he was struggling to keep a lid over all the chaos around him. Things were a little different now though.  They were on similar pages for once, despite Ed’s loss of alchemy or perhaps because of it.

And yet…

They really weren’t. Ed had lost the alchemy that he’d lived for so passionately. It was the same type of passion that Roy himself had for alchemy, even now after all the damage that his had caused. But Ed had managed to find other things to be passionate about, to enjoy, to love – and Roy could not lie that he wanted those things for himself. He wanted them for Riza too, so much that it hurt him when he least expected it, and it was painful for him to accept that Ed, someone that he’d always seen as a child, had become a man that Hughes had always wanted Roy to become – that Ed had more than him despite losing so much.

So Roy was left with two options: lie outright to Ed for once dismiss the situation as him just having drank too much, the less painful and embarrassing option, or telling the frank truth. The trick was, while Roy didn’t really like lying to Ed, if he said how he felt out loud, it would make it all so undeniably real. Maybe, just maybe, he wanted to continue lying to himself.

“I envy you, Ed.”

The words slipped out of Roy’s mouth so easily, but the moment they did, he had to fight the panic to somehow scramble them back and hide them all over again. Being honest was…difficult when all Roy ever felt like he did was lie one way or another.

Ed jerked his head in Roy’s direction, blinking in response with his mouth dropped open. Clearly out of all the scenarios and reasons for Roy’s behavior that Ed had come up with in his brain, this had not been one of them. He snapped his mouth shut and tried to force a passive expression onto his face, but he only managed to look a little frustrated and confused.

“I envy Ling,” Roy continued. “I already feel like I’m envying Alphonse.” Oh, the kid did his best to hide his feelings for the Xingese princess as best as he could, but he wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all someone that had spent over half his life hiding his feelings for the woman he loved. “Weddings make me a bitter, old man and that’s why I don’t like them.”

Suddenly coming to himself, Ed asked a simple question, which only sunk it in further for Roy that Ben was very much like his father: “Why?”

“You have something that I want very much,” Roy said bluntly, “something that I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have – or if I even deserve it.”

When Ed still looked a little lost, searching Roy’s face with narrowed golden eyes, Roy could only sigh. Ed truly didn’t get it. Maybe it was the wine’s fault there too. Ed was bright, but apparently he didn’t understand why anyone would be envious of him, especially one General Roy Mustang. After all, according to appearances, he had it all and was close to getting everything that he wanted. It was no secret that he was rumored to be the next Fuhrer of Amestris when Fuhrer Grumman stepped down. He was wealthy, attractive, and had an incredible amount of power in both the government and alchemy. What more could a haughty, proud, self-centered, power hungry bastard like him want?

Roy almost laughed. He wanted more – he wanted so much more. It was a good thing Greed had possessed Ling’s body instead of Roy’s because their mutual desire for everything probably would’ve toppled Amestris.

A dry twist of his lips, Roy explained: “Don’t ever take what you have for granted. Being able to kiss Winry on the forehead, ruffle Ben’s hair, wake up in the middle of the night when Sara cries. Every argument you get into with your wife that always ends with one of you crawling into bed late to apologize, every time Ben throws a tantrum because he won’t drink milk and you have to drink it so he will, every time Sara refuses to let go of your finger and giggles.”

He looked up at the night sky. When they were kids, he and Riza would climb on the tallest hill by her house and look at the stars on clear nights. She’d tell him all the constellations and the stories that went along with them. They always felt so free on those nights. Astronomy had been more of her thing than his, but he’d loved listening to the sound of her voice as she told the tales until she’d grow quiet and start to drift off. He’d nudge her awake and they’d make their way back to the house, her sleepily leaning into him while he wrapped an arm around her waist. What he wouldn’t give to be able to do that now.

“I envy you, Ed, because you can look at the woman you love with nothing held back and tell her in broad daylight that she’s beautiful, because you can hold her hand in front of others, because you’re allowed to love her.” Roy rubbed at his face. Exhaustion crept into his bones. Apparently telling the brutal truth was taxing on a person’s mind and body. “I envy you because you have a title that I don’t think I’ll ever get, something that sounded so trivial and useless to me whenever Hughes would rattle on about it. You can give Winry everything that I can’t give…”

At that last part, Roy pressed his lips together and went silent, his hands clenching into fists on the balcony railing. No, he could never give Riza the life that Ed gave Winry. They had known that right from the very beginning when they’d started to do more than skirt around each other. There would be no white picket fence for them, him coming home to the smells of her baking an apple pie, chitchat about their jobs over dinner. He didn’t know if they would ever be afforded the chance for him to rub a hand against her swollen belly or if they should even attempt it one day.

Having a life together and bringing life in this world felt almost as taboo to him as human transmutation.

“Weddings just remind me of what I can’t give her,” Roy admitted. “They make me feel ashamed, humiliated, and more useless than when it’s raining.”

Having been unusually closemouthed the entire time Roy explained himself, Ed glanced down, a frown on his contemplative face. “Well, then I guess I don’t feel so bad for envying you.” This time, it was Roy’s turn to look surprised as he straightened up and looked at Ed, who turned to give him a sheepish smile. “Just because I don’t regret for one second sacrificing my ability to perform alchemy doesn’t mean that I don’t miss it, especially when I’m around you. Ben can go on for hours after you do something as simple as light a candle. We haven’t… We obviously haven’t told him what happened or really anything, not yet, but the last time you visited, he asked me why I wasn’t an alchemist like you or Al. It…” He grimaced a little. “It hurt more than I expected.”

Roy chuckled, not entirely without warmth. “The truth always does when you’ve done a good job at convincing yourself otherwise.”

“Truth, yeah…” A distant look glazed over Ed’s eyes as thought came to him. Roy knew what the look meant, having experienced it firsthand himself. He was thinking of another kind of Truth.

Oh, Roy knew that all too well. It had been impossible for him to lie to himself when he’d been dragged through his Gate, if only because nearly all of his memories and his core had been painted in hues of blonde, amber, blue, gold, and red. So much red. And then the secret, little smile that she reserved for only him… It had been in that very moment that Roy had come face-to-face with the undeniable and crushing realization that he’d been in love with Riza for quite a while and had been lying to himself the entire time.

“We should go back inside,” Roy said, “or Winry and the Captain will begin to worry that we’ve either killed each other or passed out drunk somewhere.”

Ed nodded and started for the door, but then stopped, still facing the door. “You’ll get those things, Mustang.” His voice was so quiet and firm, reminiscent of Riza, that it made Roy halt in his tracks. “I know you. If you want something, there’s nothing that you won’t do to get it. I’ve hated you for that aspect every now and then, but in this… I believe in you. You’ll get them, you and her both.” Before Roy could even begin to process his words and thank him, Ed tossed a rather smug look over his shoulders that made Roy feel distinctly put on the spot. “And you can call her by her first name when you’re around us. I’ve known you loved Hawkeye since before I knew I loved Winry, you smarmy bastard.”

“Just when I thought we might actually be friends,” Roy sighed, “you remind me what a know-it-all little shit that you are.”

“Hey, I’m not little anymore,” Ed said as he burst through the doors, bristling at the comment so much that it looked like his hair might stand on end. “We’re the same height now.”

“Hm, I couldn’t tell from your tiny alcohol tolerance,” Roy mused thoughtfully.

With Ed proclaiming that he could hold his alcohol ten times better than Roy and drink him under the table, snatching another glass of wine to prove it, Roy smiled to himself as he sat back down next to Riza. He barely had time to breathe before Riza asked him, “Is everything alright, sir?”

“It will be,” Roy told her, still wearing the smile.

Riza searched his face for any hint of a lie and then froze when he grabbed her hand underneath the table and set it down on her knee. It was a bold action, but he knew that no one at the table would comment on it. After one quick glance at them, Ed began to tell an animated story from his early days as a State Alchemist about a group of renegade alchemists that were terrorizing a town pretending a dragon was on the loose. It was exciting enough to pull everyone’s attentions on him – everyone except for Roy and Riza, who remained gazing at one another. This time, Roy didn’t hide any of the warmth from his eyes and Riza blushed under it.

No, it wasn’t nearly enough, but it was better than nothing. Besides, Ed was right. Roy and Riza would have all those things one day if they decided that they deserved it. Roy wouldn’t settle for anything less in the end.


	6. F is for Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy finally meets his mother's family for the first time as his and Riza's trip to Xing comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so this has obviously been building up to this one here, although I’m not terribly happy with it. It’s been on my mind for a while, but then I kept running out of steam and I don’t know. Writing happens. It is hella long though, so that might be part of the reason. As it stands, this is the end of these interconnected one shots. The next one (G) will start a series of other connected one shots that I’ve had boiling around in my head for a while and originally planned on making a short chaptered fic out of them. At any rate, I hope you all enjoy this one!

The towns and villages belonging to the Shen clan were nowhere near as elaborate as the capitol city, but it wasn’t nearly as small as some of the places they’d visited in the past two weeks. Every spot that held people, even the small villages, had something of note to it, even if it was just a shop. On the ride here, May had explained in the carriage that while the Shen clan was not as well-to-do as the Yao or Song clans, it was not on the desolate level that May’s own clan had been in before her adventure to Amestris.

 _“Almost every house has running water,”_ May had said with a hint of pride and perhaps envy. The shudder that had run up her spine had nearly made Roy smile in amusement. _“You would not believe how high a clan is perceived if they have something along the lines of a plumbing system.”_

The light comment had been meant to inform Roy, but it had also forced him to take a step back. Almost every house had running water? How long had it been since he’d had to worry about that? Perhaps while he was on the frontlines in Ishval and later when he slept in that tiny hut during the Ishval Rebuild he had to deal with it, but it had been a given back then. When he’d been at home or anywhere else in Amestris, something as simple as clean running water had been expected. Even when he’d been in the orphanage and was forced to fight to use the bathroom in peace, it had still been there.

He couldn’t help but drag an old memory of his mother out from his mind, an image of her using a towel and hot water to scrub him down after he played in the mud when he could have easily just taken a bath. If he remembered correctly, one of the few things she’d been strict about had been him not taking long showers or baths. She had been a careful woman, taking care to not overdo anything, if only out of moderation or habit, except for doling out smiles and hugs. He tried to picture his mother here, carrying around buckets of water from the nearest well. Did they have hot water? Was it clean?

May must have caught the distant look in his eyes because she laid a hand on his arm and startled him out of his thoughts. “The Shen clan is not wealthy, but they are much respected. Many scholars and advisors have come from that clan. What they lack in wealth they make up for with knowledge, which has garnered them favor with past Emperors.”

That made Roy feel a little better. The one thing he always remembered about his mother was that she had loved reading. The living room had been decorated in books, though not nearly as many in Xingese as she would have liked. Many of his memories with his mother were dotted with books in her hands. She would read with a book in one hand while stirring soup in a pot with the other, drink hot tea in the morning with a book in front of her, try to wrestle his hair into something manageable while he practiced reading out loud. There was no doubt in Roy’s mind that he’d inherited his passion for learning from her.

In a strange sense, hearing that bit of information about his mother’s clan made things clearer. He had spent a lot of time wondering why his mother had left the safety of her clan and home country in order to journey to a foreign country. All he knew was that she’d wanted to travel and study. It made sense that she would want those things if she came from a clan that prided itself on them. He had a feeling that his mother’s ambitions had been a little brighter and more fanciful than everyone else’s.

After peering outside of the carriage, May pulled herself back in and smiled big at everyone. “We’re here!” The carriage stopped and the group clambered outside with an excited Ben dragging Ed out first. When Alphonse stepped out, he was kind enough to pause to help May, even though she didn’t need it. Roy could see it for what it was right on the spot: an excuse to hold May’s hand, if only for a few seconds, and he smiled a little.

However, when it came to his turn to step out, Roy hesitated. All of a sudden, panic clawed at his heart and it began to beat wildly. It was very possible that he would meet his mother’s family, something that he had never dreamed of doing before. He had thought that he was excited to find ties to his mother again, but now he clearly recognized the sleepless nights and random daydreams for what they were. He was afraid.

Throughout their travels in Xing that May and Alphonse had taken them on, for the most part, Roy was relatively unknown. A strange sight for sure, someone of obvious Xing descent that spoke very little Xingese and was more comfortable in foreign clothes and the blue Amestris military uniform than traditional clothes. He was an oddity here – but no one knew who he was. The few people that did though hadn’t exactly been…favorable. They had heard stories about people from Amestris, people who twisted alkhestry into something dangerous and volatile, people that violated the Dragon’s Pulse.

May had explained that she’d been trying to correct these assumptions with Alphonse’s help, but it was difficult. The fact that Alphonse bore an incredible resemblance to the Eastern Sage from their legends helped him, but with Roy it was different. The people outside of the capitol might not have known his name, but stories had still managed to cross the desert about the Flame Alchemist. He wasn’t called the Hero of Ishval here though. His name was more synonymous with the Devil. May had been thoroughly embarrassed to admit that to him when a shopkeeper in a town outside of the capitol had gone on an explosive rant about the alchemy monsters in the country across the desert.

Roy had done what he could to assuage their fears. He refused to hide who he was, no matter how much he wanted to tip his cap over his eyes and hunker down when things came to a head. He’d done what he did and now he had to live with the consequences. He was the Flame Alchemist and perhaps, while these people held a strangely twisted view of his deeds, they weren’t that far off from their descriptions and assumptions.

And it was for that reason that he realized that his mother’s family could hold those same beliefs. They would have had no way of knowing that he was his mother’s son, but they might know of him. They could know his crimes against humanity – they could condemn him – they could fear him. He could not help but wonder if his mother would have turned away from him in shame after what he’d done in Ishval. All he’d wanted to do was help people, protect them…

Someone grabbing his hand and squeezing it jarred Roy out of his thoughts and he turned to see Riza looking at him. Her amber eyes were filled with an abundance of warmth, but her grip was filled with strength, as if she was trying to pour all of her courage into him. Roy smiled somewhat weakly. He’d faced monsters and won. He’d faced Truth and somehow come out of it alive. Surely he could face his own blood.

“How long does it take to get out of a carriage?” Ed’s voice called from outside. “Or did the long ride make your old joints hurt?”

Instead of feeling prickly about the comment concerning his age, the normalcy of Ed’s insult made Roy chuckle and brought him back to his senses. He regretted the way that Riza let go of his hand so that she could step out of the carriage. Taking a deep breath, he followed suit. He’d wanted to make a good impression and had been torn between what he should wear. In the end, he had chosen his military uniform. He did not want to hide who or what he was. It did make for a jarring vision in Xing, but it was important to him that he was open and up front with anyone that might be related to him.

The town they had stopped in was in the heart of the Shen clan territory. Just from a quick scan, Roy could see that May had been honest about everything. It wasn’t nearly as prosperous or fancy as the capitol and some of the other clan territories that they’d visited, but wasn’t in bad shape either. In fact, it was more of a city than a town or village. It reminded him of the city that was a few miles away from the Hawkeye estate where the train station was located.

Everyone wandered around in different directions. Somehow, Winry had managed to find a small automail shop and was gushing over their work. May had said that because of the Shen clan’s desire for knowledge and growth, they were more apt to adapt customs from other countries into their own. Despite the language barrier, she and the shop owner, an older and tall woman, seemed to understand one another. It was an amusing sight to see Winry with Sara on her hip in one hand and a mechanical hand in the other. Both Ed and Ben looked a little confounded at how Winry had managed to find someone so fast. Meanwhile, Alphonse and May were asking questions to anyone that passed them, hoping that they could have the same luck as Winry.

“It’s a remarkable city from what I can see,” Riza said as she stepped up next to him.

“May said that it was the most advanced out of all the areas in the Shen district.” Roy examined the area, trying to memorize every building and road that he could see. He wasn’t sure how May had done what she did to track down the location of his relatives, but he was terribly grateful to her. Yet another thing to put him in her debt, it seemed, though she’d taken offense to his suggesting as such.

 _“I have learned over the past few years that family is more important than I could have ever imagined,”_ the young princess had told him in quite a firm voice.

When May waved at them, Roy took another breath and followed her with Riza at his side. He wanted to hold her hand again, but he knew better than to do that. Instead, he basked in her comforting presence as they walked through the streets. A few children burst out of a house and ran in front of them, forcing the two to come to a sudden halt. One paused to ogle Roy and blink rapidly at Riza before his friends shouted at him and he ran to follow them. It made Roy feel a little better to see that Alphonse speaking perfect Xingese was met with the same reaction as Roy not being able to respond properly. They were opposite oddities here.

Once they were somewhere in the middle of the town, May came to a stop in front of a house. It was nothing remarkable to look at, not truly, a brown building with little to no decorations on the outside. There wasn’t even a yard, not like the one that had surrounded the Hawkeye Estate. There hadn’t been much of a yard back where he’d grown up above Madam Christmas’ bar, but the streets had been paved and there had been sidewalk, along with a few trees and grass in the median. While more advanced than other areas, the streets were still mostly dirt. Many houses had places to grow food in the backyard, kept hidden and protected by each home.

Despite the lacking sign of any sort of extravagance, Roy found it difficult to tear his eyes away from the door. May didn’t have to say anything for him to know that her queries had led them to here, to this specific home, to the people inside the house. With nothing but a wooden door between him and his past, Roy thought he might actually start to shake. He’d never spent a lot of time wondering about his parents and his past, if only because his foster mother hadn’t had much to say. Oh, she’d loved his father, being her adored little brother, but according to the woman, his father spent a lot of time away from home, traveling and doing whatever he did, and they’d spent a lot of time apart. As for his mother, she had known little more than he remembered.

Now it was here. If his mother’s family rejected him in any way… Well, they had to a right to do so. They didn’t know him. He was nothing but a stranger to them with the blood of a woman they hadn’t seen in over thirty years. He was just the remains of the ghost of a woman that had vanished from these parts so many years ago.

Just as he moved to knock on the door, it swung open and he found himself face-to-face with a short, older woman. She was even shorter than May. Her gray hair was pulled into a bun, though there were some stubborn black streaks still running through it. The lines on her face looked like they were from a woman that had spent her entire life working, her expression confused and suspicious, but her dark eyes were still bright and attentive despite her obvious age. There was also something about the way she gazed up at him as he gaped down at her, a tiny light of recognition in her eyes, though he could have been imagining it.

When the old woman spoke, it was more of a demand than a question. Before May could translate it for him, Roy cleared his throat and he answered in Xingese, “ _My name is General Roy Mustang, uh, Mustang, Roy._ ” He winced a little and then gave a lopsided smile.

The change within the woman was immediate upon seeing his smile, the light of recognition becoming an all out fire, as her eyes widened and she let out a gasp. “ _Liang._ ” Roy nodded his head, the smile growing apprehensively. She dropped the vase from her hands and allowed it to shatter on the floor without a care. Neither one of them paid attention to it as she raised a trembling hand and placed it against his cheek. Her hands were warm and rough, worn down with calluses from work. Though he couldn’t tell exactly what she said, he knew that the woman proclaimed, “ _You are the son of my daughter._ ”

“ _I am your grandson,_ ” Roy added in Xingese. The words came out perfectly despite his nervousness, but then he’d spent the better part of the morning practicing saying that single sentence. The old woman, his grandmother, smiled brightly as tears began to shine in her eyes and laughed, most likely at the fact that it was obvious that Roy did not know much of her native language. He sounded so practiced.

A man shouted from inside the house after hearing the vase breaking and ran into the room. Confusion flashed across his face before he frowned and glared at Roy. With Roy thoroughly distracted by his grandmother holding his face and gazing at him like she was seeing the sun for the first time, May stepped in and introduced herself. Despite the fact that he was obviously confused about seeing a stranger in an even stranger outfit, the fact that a princess and the proclaimed heir to the throne was speaking to him was enough to astound him into silence as she began to explain the situation.

Taking him by the hand, his grandmother, Shu he learned, lead him into the house and ushered everyone to follow her. Roy noted when he sat down that the Elrics had opted to stay out, so that it was just Roy, Riza, and May. He glanced at Riza, wondering if she felt uncomfortable or like she was intruding on his privacy. He could tell from the way she glanced around that she was trying to figure out where she belonged. Without even thinking, he took hold of her sleeve and gently pulled her down so that she was sitting next to him. That was where she belonged.

The action seemed to prompt Shu into asking a question. This was where he needed May. No amount of asking questions and looking in books would have prepared him to have a full out conversation in Xingese. Lucky for him, May was fluent in both languages and familiar with the many different dialects in her country. The question also made May smile slyly. “She asked if Miss Hawkeye is your wife.”

Roy opened his mouth to answer and then clamped it down shut. Even Riza blushed a little when he turned to glance back at her. Still, he smiled and shook his head. “No, she is…”

But what was she truly? She wasn’t his wife, no, but he could not say that she was just his adjutant or his Captain, his precious subordinate. He did not want to start his meeting his only remaining family on his mother’s side by lying to them, especially about something that he had spent so long lying about to himself. He could not tell them that she was just his subordinate when she was his rock, his light, his conscience – when she was nothing less than the woman he loved.

“She isn’t my wife; she’s a Captain in the military, my most loyal and trusted subordinate. But more than that, she is my other half.” He felt Riza stiffen at his side, but she said nothing. He knew without looking back that her eyes were trained on the ground. “She is as essential to my life as breathing and a part of my very being.” He looked at May, a little helpless for words. “Will that make any sense?”

“I am supposed to translate for you, not cry,” May responded with a sniff. Roy grinned at her. After huffing, she went about speaking for him. He was sure that she didn’t say exactly what he’d said – and perhaps had even given a few more elaborations of who Riza was to him – but whatever she did say provoked an emotional response from the older woman that made May laugh. “She asks why, if Miss Hawkeye means so much to you, you have not asked her to marry you yet.”

With May still giggling and Riza wearing a sheepish smile, Roy could not stop from frowning a little. “Two minutes in and she is already talking to me like Grumman and my foster mother…”

Shu began to speak again, her tone curious, as she looked around the room. At first, Roy was lost since he did not know what she was saying, but then he caught a few familiar words and his heart sank. May’s giggles died as well and though Riza did not understand anything at all, she felt the change in the room.

“She asks…” May folded her hands in her lap. “She wishes to know where your mother is and why she has not come with you.” Shu was still speaking as she stood up and began to rifle through a small box on a shelf. “She wants to see her only daughter. It was too difficult to correspond between countries, so your mother only wrote once to…to tell that she had married and had a son. That was…many years ago.”

When Shu turned around, she held a frail piece of yellowed paper in her hands. It was terribly worn around the edges and looked like it might fall apart at the hint of any wind. She carefully laid the folded letter in Roy’s hands. Upon opening it, he found a small picture inside, grainy and even more yellowed from age, but it was one that he’d never seen before. Though the picture was old and had faded quite a bit, he could see his mother’s proud face as she held and nuzzled noses with her son. He couldn’t have been more than a few months old in the picture, already with a mop of dark hair. Somehow, even at that age, he had the same lopsided smile as her.

This time, when Shu repeated the question, Roy understood it clearly: “ _Where is my daughter?_ ”

Roy ran a thumb over his mother’s face in the picture. She looked so young, so full of life and excited for what was to come next, so in love with her child. The woman in the picture had no idea what the universe had in store for her. She had been younger than he was now when she’d died; she had been Ed’s age, in fact. Ignoring the fact that it was Ed, the thought of Ben and Sara losing a parent at such a young age cut Roy deeply. Riza placed her hand on his shoulder. She had been Ben’s age when her mother had died and knew what struggles came with being alone in the world. Her life had been terribly lonely before he’d shown up on her doorstep.

“My mother… She died when I was six, twenty-eight years ago, along with my father.”

May put a hand to her mouth, her large eyes already glistening with tears. Roy had assumed that Alphonse had told her what he knew of Roy’s history, but apparently Alphonse decided to keep his secret in the end. He was grateful for Alphonse’s discretion, but he knew that it would be even more painful for May to learn this way and struggle through the translation process. She steeled herself as she began to speak to his grandmother for him to inform her that her only daughter had passed away so long ago.

Roy did not want to look up to see the pain on his grandmother’s face. He heard her whimper and looked up just in time to see her begin to collapse. Jumping up, he rushed to catch her, along with the other man that had been standing guard in the corner of the room, and they eased her down into her seat. For his part, while he was clearly concerned with Shu, the man wore a shocked and devastated look as well. Roy still didn’t know who he was, but he looked about the age that his mother would’ve been had she still been alive.

“ _How?_ ” Shu faintly asked.

Turning to look at May, Roy asked, “They don’t have automobiles here, do they?”

May shook her head. “Not yet, though there is talk of them now that the railroad has been completed. I will do my best to explain, perhaps something along the lines of a carriage accident.”

Nodding his head, Roy did the best he could to recall the memory. It felt more like a dream to him now, hazy and distant for the most part and yet clear and sharp in small specific areas. “It was a car crash. It was raining heavily. My father was driving while my mother told me a story to help me sleep. She loved telling stories. I think she dreamed of being a writer. It was dark. The other car came out of nowhere and swerved into our lane. He’d been on a drinking bender. It…it happened so fast.” Roy looked down at her small, wrinkled hands in his gloved ones, as May spoke for him whenever he paused. “I don’t remember much. I remember the blinding lights, my mother throwing her hand back to protect me, my father shouting, and then…how cold the rain was. I’d never felt so cold in my life.”

Roy swallowed the lump in his throat. It had been ages since he’d told that story. The only other person he’d talked about it with had been Riza. His aunt knew the basics, but she had never pressed him to talk about it. She had always assumed that if he wanted to talk, he would and when he never did, she never asked. Riza had never asked either, but he had found that he’d wanted to tell her, if only so that someone in the world might know the pain that he felt in his chest, like a gaping hole that he forced himself to ignore. It had been the same night that she had opened up about her mother’s death, a lost battle with an illness. They had been two children mourning the loss of their childhood.

While Shu was at a loss with words, her eyes distant as tears ran down her face, the man spoke up for her and May translated quickly. “His name is Jian. He is your uncle, the oldest brother of your mother. He wants to know why it has taken so long for them to know this, why you would…be so cruel as to bring such tragic news to an old woman.”

As Roy sat in stunned silence, his despondent gaze meeting Jian’s furious one, Shu swatted at Jian and chattered at him. The two of them argued for a minute until Jian looked properly abashed and pulled away from her. Then Shu fixed Roy with a determined look, though the pain was still there, and put a hand on his face again while she spoke to him.

“Liang is not dead,” May translated. She was doing her best to remain strong, sitting upright and wearing an impassive expression, looking almost regal, but her strangled voice betrayed her. “She is with us now: I see her eyes, always looking to the future; I see her nose, flaring whenever she was angry; I see her ears, listening carefully and taking in every word; I see her hair, forever a wild mess no matter what she did; I see her smile, crooked and filled with secrets. I see her in you.”

Roy’s eyes fell to the picture again as he tried to conjure his mother’s face into his mind. He wanted to picture her happy and excited, but despite Shu’s words, the only thing that flashed was the glazed over look on his mother’s face that he’d seen after coming to in the turned over car.  The rain dripping on him from the broken side window had woke him up and he’d started crying for her, only to realize that she wasn’t responding back. There were a lot of things that he’d forgotten over his lifetime, but that was one thing he couldn’t forget no matter how hard he tried. It was up there with his first kill in Ishval, burning Riza’s back, and being forced to confront Truth.

It was only until May started to speak again did Roy realize that Shu was still talking. “Was she happy? Did she find what she was looking for?”

“I don’t…” Roy faltered, but pulled himself back to the present when Riza touched his hand. He didn’t care what anyone said – and he doubted that anyone would – so this time he did not hold himself back from threading his fingers through hers. She did not fight him on this one either and he could tell that she wouldn’t admonish him for his actions later. Right now, they weren’t General Mustang and Captain Hawkeye; they were Roy and Riza. He needed that. It had been a long time since he’d dragged these memories up. “I don’t know what she was looking for. Either I don’t remember or she didn’t tell me. I think she was happy. She smiled and sang Xingese songs a lot. She read everything she could find. She loved my father and he loved her. Do you…do you know why she traveled to Amestris?”

After May translated his words for him, Shu nodded her head and May answered, “She wanted to study the differences between Xing alkhestry and Amestris alchemy.”

Roy blinked and sat up straight. That was not an answer that he had expected. He glanced back at Riza with wide curious eyes and then back to Shu. “My mother knew alkhestry? She never… I don’t remember that.”

“While many people study alkhestry and its affects, few people in the Shen clan actually perform it,” May told him. She listened carefully as Shu responded, nodding her head along with the older woman’s words. “She says that your mother was one of the more gifted people in alkhestry, but she felt held back and wanted to learn more. After hearing about a country across the desert with a different version of alkhestry, she spent many months researching it until deciding that she needed to see it for herself.”

In the corner of the room, Jian muttered something under his breath that caused May to shoot him a glower and respond back to him in their language. He looked even more embarrassed than before, having been called out by a princess after apparently offending her in some way, and flushed in the face before bowing and apologizing.

When Roy looked at her expectantly, May waved a hand in the air. “He said that Liang’s blind ambition and fanciful dreams tore the family apart and broke their mother’s heart and that she should have stayed home. I told him that I had done the same to her and traveled to Amestris for my own ambitions, as the Emperor did. You cannot cage a dreamer. It will crush them.”

They sat in silence for a little as everyone in the room wallowed in their thoughts. Roy wished more than anything that he could have brought more than decades’ old bad news to their doorstep. He had been so afraid of being a feared stranger to them that he hadn’t stopped to worry about his mother being a ghost. Glancing at his grandmother, he couldn’t help but note how tired she looked, her shoulders slumped and her once shining eyes downcast. She could be positive and hopeful all she wanted, but it did not take away the fact that the chance of seeing her daughter again had long been destroyed without her even knowing it.

Raising her eyes up to his and wearing a tremulous smile, Shu took one of his gloved hands into hers, wrinkled and calloused from hard work, and spoke again. Her voice was strong and clear, but even if he couldn’t figure out what she was asking him, he could hear the underlining tones of pain in her voice that she was trying to shove to the background. That would be saved for private.

“Tell me about your life,” May translated. She smiled herself a little. “She says that you look important in your strange clothes.”

Roy wanted desperately to grin back, maybe chuckle, but he couldn’t manage it. Breaking the news of his mother’s death had been hard enough; he was terrified of telling them just what kind of man he had become without her guidance in his life. Still though, knowing that his mother had been intrigued by alchemy and its relation to alkhestry, Roy knew that his life would have most likely gone on the same path as it had. Alchemy was in his blood as much as it was in his mind. It sang to him as much as his mother had.

When Riza put a hand on his back, Roy took a breath. “I’m a General in the Amestris military and the second in command in the government.” There, that was simple. It didn’t sound so frightening. Maybe it made him sound a little more like a warmonger to them, but if he could avoid war for the rest of his life, he would.

After taking a moment to consider her words, May translated what he said so that Shu and Jian could understand them. The Xing government was much different from the Amestris government, and so she had to tell them what he said and then figure out a way to explain it to them. Luckily for them, when Shu responded, a relieved look crossed May’s face. “They read up on Amestris after your mother left to travel. I was hoping that because we are in the Shen district, they might be more knowledgeable. She says that it is remarkable that you have gone so far at such a young age. Your mother would be proud.”

Would she though? Roy swallowed painfully. He could not remember his mother talking about the government, not even to his father, but he had a feeling that she would have been the type of woman to disparage against the totalitarian control the Amestris military had over its people. His mother’s death was a cold memory that stung him to this day, but he could not help but admit that he was grateful that she hadn’t been around for the Ishval War of Extermination. It had been hard enough showing his face back at Madam Christmas’ bar a few weeks after he’d returned. He could not imagine allowing his mother or father to see him again after what he did.

“I am also something else, perhaps more importantly, at least to me.” Roy stood up, Riza’s hand sliding from his back and his grandmother’s hands pulling away from him.

He walked over to the broken vase on the floor and crouched down to examine it. The vase was nothing beautiful from what he could tell, but that didn’t matter. After nudging all the broken pieces together, he clapped his hands together and touched the glass shards. Blue light crackled around the pile and sound snapped in the air until both vanished and the fixed vase stood on the ground, shiny and new. He heard Shu gasp behind him when he picked up the vase. He again didn’t need May’s translating skills to know that both his grandmother and uncle had realized the feat was alchemy.

Carefully, Roy handed the vase over to Shu, although his hands were beginning to tremble. “Alchemists can work on their own or for the government to gain more access to more research and funds. I don’t know if my mother was interested in that or not, but it seems likely if she wanted to conduct her own.” He sat down the moment it felt like his knees might buckle. Fear shot through him like lightening. “Alchemists that work for the government are called State Alchemists and are given code names. Mine is the Flame Alchemist.”

Once May was finished speaking for him, Roy held up a hand, making sure to keep it a reasonable distance from anyone, and snapped his fingers together. The small ball of flame that burst above his fingers was controlled and delicate, though not any easier to produce than an explosion, but it was enough to cause a look of wonder in Shu’s eyes as she leaned back and pressed her hands to her mouth.

Behind them, Jian scrambled to his feet out of his chair and backed into the wall, letting out a panicked shout. At that, May jumped to her feet as well and snapped at him coldly. This time, words from the princess did not seem to sway Jian as he yelled back, rushing forward to take Shu and haul her out of her seat. The older woman protested and Roy let the flame die out abruptly, but he did not reach out to stop them. He recognized Jian’s actions for what they were: protection. Jian was protecting his mother from Roy himself.

“What is he saying?” Roy asked in a flat tone, trying not to sound sullen or hurt.

May, on the other hand, didn’t care about hiding how she felt, as her face flushed red. “It is nothing. He is being a foolish–”

“Please, May,” Roy interrupted. His tone didn’t change, but upon looking in his eyes, May deflated. Her eyes were as dark as his, but they were all fire now. He hadn’t realized it until now that they shared nearly the exact same color, although her eyes were big and wide with anger.

Chewing on her lip and torn between shooting daggers at Jian and tentative looks at Roy that did not quite hide the heat in her eyes, May clenched her fists at her side. “He says that you are a demon in human form,” she finally answered. “He heard stories about a demon that destroyed cities and turned people into ashes. The stories said that a single man would create fire and wield it to erase men, women, and children from existence. He did not think someone like that could exist, but you…”

 _I am the monster that Ishval parents warn their children about at night,_ Roy thought viciously. He had hoped beyond desperation that tales of his deeds in Ishval had not crossed the desert, but it appeared as if he had not been so lucky. Not that he would have hid his past wrongdoings from his family, but he had wanted to ease them to it, not throw them right into the fire per say. No, that was a lie. He hadn’t wanted them to know immediately because he did not want them to look down on him or despise him in any way.

“How did he come by this knowledge?” Roy asked, his tone still void of emotion.

“Some refugees from the Ishval War fled across the desert to Xing after the war,” May explained, sounding a little sheepish and even uncomfortable. “Very few actually survived the journey, but those that did…”

Shu yelled at Jian, pulling on him, the words sounding something like, “ _He is Liang’s son, our blood!_ ”

And though Roy could not understand him exactly, he had an idea that Jian spat back, “ _He is a demon!_ ” He did not know what Jian was saying, but he didn’t need to in order to imagine the words. “ _He is dangerous, nothing more than a murderer!_ ” Honestly, the man could’ve been saying anything, but that was all that Roy could hear coming out of his mouth.

Riza went to grab his hand again, but Roy pulled away from her and stood up, standing stiller than he thought himself capable of when all he felt like doing was shake. He didn’t want to look back at her, afraid that he might see a flash of hurt in her eyes even though he knew her face would be impassive. For some reason, he was even more afraid that he would see fear in them, just as he’d seen in them the second before he’d used his alchemy to burn the secrets from her back.

Bowing slightly, Roy somehow managed to speak in collected voice, the practiced Xingese words feeling more foreign on his tongue than ever before, “ _I am sorry._ ” He stood up, but try as he might to force the wounded look out of his eyes, he knew that he failed the second he flinched away from the horrified look on Jian’s face and the conflicted one on Shu’s. “I did not mean to bring you only news of pain or my own shame. Jian is not lying. When the leader of my country called on me to perform my duties in war, I did them unequivocally. I can only hope that the good I’m doing now to change my country will somehow repay for my sins.” He did not look away from his blood relatives, especially his grandmother. She looked so…pained as May spoke for him. “I don’t want you to argue over me. I will leave immediately.”

Without another word, Roy turned on his heels and walked out of the house. Every step felt mechanical and rigid, like he wasn’t even the one in control of his feet or legs. The second he stepped outside though, the bright light of the sun glared down on him and it felt as if the world began to tilt on its end. A wave of dizziness swept over him, like he was sick, and he barely made it to a nearby alley in a clipped precision before he began to stagger and had to press a hand against the wall of a house to keep himself standing.

A second later, he felt small hands on him and heard Riza’s concerned voice behind him, “Sir.”

“ _‘Sir’_ ,” Roy ground out mockingly.

Riza jerked her hands away from him, but when he looked back at her, she didn’t appear to be hurt. Instead, her brow was furrowed and there was a sharp glint in her eyes, her lips fixed into a frown. Whatever concern that she had felt for him before had been replaced by steely resolve. “You startled everyone when you randomly walked out. May says that your grandmother fears you will never return, just like your mother.”

“How can I?” Roy demanded, though he had no right to make any demands of Riza, not like this, not now. She didn’t have the answers he needed – perhaps no one did – but he was desperate for something he hadn’t even thought of until two weeks ago. It had been many years since he had longed for acceptance, perhaps not since the first year of his training under Master Hawkeye and before that those first few months with his foster mother. Despite that, the need for his mother’s family to accept him thrummed so strongly in his chest that it hurt.

“You walk back in there and–”

Roy shook his head. “I can’t. No, I _can’t_.” His back fell against the wall. This time, when Riza did not reach out to touch him, yearning beat in his heart. He’d shoved her away and she was holding herself back and now he wanted her to touch him. Go figure he could not make up his mind. “You heard him, my mother’s brother. I’m a monster. That’s what they think of me. That’s what they know of me.” He let out a cold laugh. “And he’s right. I’ve murdered hundreds of people. I’m a demon.”

Swelling up with anger, Riza took a step back away from him, not out of fear though. She looked as if she wanted to slap him in the face. He would’ve welcomed the pain, to be honest. “I will not have you speaking like this.”

“I’m a disgrace to my family,” Roy told her. “You should’ve put a bullet in me when you had the chance.”

“And I would have followed you, as you’re my one shot at redemption,” Riza responded coldly, her fists clenching at her side. Maybe slap wasn’t the right word; she probably wanted to punch him right in his face. Ed would have gotten a kick out of that. “Is that what you want?”

Reaching up, Roy placed a hesitant hand on her cheek, gently brushing her bangs out of her face. The tender action seemed to startle Riza as she blinked and searched his eyes for the answers to her question. Of course he remembered her words in the tunnel when he’d asked her what she would do after putting a bullet in his back. Those words had kept him up at night almost as much as nearly seeing her die. She hadn’t been afraid of him then. She wasn’t afraid of him now. And besides his aunt, she was the only family he had known for so long and was perhaps the only one to truly understand him since Hughes’ death.

“Do you want to hear something terribly selfish?” Roy asked her in a whisper. “The moment I told them who I was – what I was – I felt…absurdly grateful that my mother was dead.” Riza stared back at him. She didn’t say a word and her expression didn’t change and yet somehow he knew that she understood exactly what he meant by his words. “She’ll never know what I did. I will never know if she would’ve been angry with me, distraught over my actions, or hated me. I was never able to disappoint or disgust her. She’ll never know her son murdered so many people. I wish I'd never made you suffer those things in her stead.”

“You helped save so many people as well,” Riza pointed out, lifting a hand so that she could wrap her fingers around his wrist. She could probably feel his pulse in her light grip as it beat steadily under his skin. He knew that her own heartbeat was light as usual. Neither of her parents had been alive to see her crimes against humanity as well. “They are your family, and it will take time for them to understand, but… You cannot hide from them, no matter how much you want to, because then you are only hiding from yourself. And the man that wants to lead his country cannot do that.”

A small smile crossed Roy’s face. As it did, Riza’s own face softened in response. He wanted more than anything in the world to kiss her in this moment, but he refrained from doing so. “You always know what to say to bring me back, don’t you?”

“It’s in the job description,” Riza said in a lightly teasing tone. He could tell that she was still nervous and didn’t know whether to be hard or soft, but she responded to him in just the right way, as usual. Her words made him want to laugh, give her a lopsided grin, reply with some witty quip. She brought light in his heavy soul. What would he do without her?

When Roy moved his eyes past her, he saw Shu standing in the open doorway of the house he’d fled. May was at her side, holding her arm, and watching the two of them with a worried expression. No, he couldn’t avoid his past. It was what made him who he was today. Losing his parents, learning alchemy, entangling his life with Riza’s, joining the military, becoming a State Alchemist, serving in the Ishval War, finding Edward and Alphonse Elric, fighting against the homunculus and Father… His life was a long story filled with terrible bumps in the road and sharp, unexpected turns, but it was a journey that he could not ignore. And just as these people were a long lost connection to his mother, he served as a connection for them to her. He could not deny them that.

“Go to them,” Riza told him, smoothing his hair back with her free hand. “Tell them about the man that I fell in love with.”

The man – not the monster, not the demon. In her eyes, he was never that, no matter what he had done. He was hope, he was the future, he was the means to her own redemption and light, just as she was his. How could he ever hoped to explain to anyone what Riza meant to him in a few short sentences? His mother’s family may never be able to look at him straight, but as long as she did, Roy knew that he would be okay. He’d be alive.


	7. G is for Generous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy gets some unpleasant orders from a higher up that has it out for him, orders that just might force him to compromise himself and his promise to Riza.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I’m back at it! Okay, the deal is, A – F consisted of a group of interconnected one-shots and that finished, so these next few will also be connected, but separate from the last one. I’ve actually had the idea of these upcoming short fics/drabbles in my head for a while. I almost made it a chaptered fic, but I don’t have the gas for that. I will say that this is somewhat connected to Drabble 48 (“Side of Face”) from my 100 Royai Drabble series "you pull me through time" and is when I came up with the idea for these next few. Without further ado, let’s begin!

Running his fingers through his hair was merely an exercise at this point to keep his fingers away from itching towards the ignition gloves in the bottom left desk drawer and burning the papers in front of him. Roy glared down at them like his eyes might be able to do the trick instead, the fingers of his left hand still in his hair and his elbow on top of the desk, head tilted to the side. No such luck though. They remained intact. And even if he did burn them to ashes, the orders printed on them would remain the same.

Bloody military hierarchy… He was more powerful than the lot of his superiors combined with the mere snap of his fingers, and yet all he could do was bow, give a sickly smile, and say, _“Yes, sir, right away, sir.”_ For the first time in year since his stint in the military, he wanted to scream.

“Colonel?”

Roy glanced up to see Riza poking her head into the office. He wondered how long she’d waited after delivering these orders to him before stepping to the door and then how long before she decided it was appropriate to interrupt him. Honestly he didn’t know how long had passed since then. It felt both like a year had passed since she’d stiffly handed him the paper and only seconds of him raging internally. After waving a hand at her, his fingers still locked firmly into his hair, she stepped inside and shut the door behind her.

So, even though she didn’t know exactly what the paper before him said, she knew it was important. Probably from the way he was silently fuming. If it had been trivial, he would’ve erupted loudly and she would’ve ignored him, but judging from the way he had refrained himself, she knew that he was trying to bottle something up. Damn him for having an adjutant that knew him inside and out. It was both a blessing and a curse.

“The orders from General Moore?” she prompted.

“We’re to leave for South City Headquarters in two days in order to meet with Colonel Branson and General Moore himself,” Roy practically recited as he pulled his fingers out of his hair. Riza, for her part, didn’t even blink; she merely nodded her head. She had been expecting it, of course. They all had. A month after the meeting with a few other generals and colonels, the insurgents in Aurego bombed an Amestris alchemy lab that had caused thirty-one casualties. All of Roy’s arguments about not inflaming a war went to the wayside.

Then again, he had his own suspicions about that. This bombing among all the others had been an irregularity for many reasons, casualties aside. Roy didn’t want to think badly of his government or higher ups, but if he was a dark thinking man, he would’ve come up with the idea that perhaps the bombing had been organized in order to make a response to the insurgents seem more reasonable. It did seem too neat and the Aurego rebellion group had not stepped up to claim the attack. They hadn’t denied it either though. Maybe they wanted a war as well.

“I’ll get everyone ready for the trip, sir,” Riza responded crisply, looking down at the folder in her hand. She marked a few things on it. “Falman has been feeling under the weather, but he’s assured me it’s just allergies. He should feel better in the south then. Havoc won’t like having to cancel a date, but he’ll be fine. It’s one of your exes, so he didn’t have too high of hopes.”

Roy glanced at her curiously, but she didn’t seem to notice. In fact, she seemed more concerned about Havoc than the fact that Roy had dated someone. Curse the woman. He did wish she would react every now and then so he could know just how she felt on that particular matter.

“Fullmetal has been ordered to join us on our expedition.”

Riza froze at those words. She blinked, seemingly stupefied for once, and then raised her eyes to his. He met them solidly, but the open surprise on her face still managed to take him off guard slightly. Edward had never been on a mission with them before. They’d been in the same vicinity and crossed paths, so that each of them knew the other’s alchemic power more or less, but they’d never exactly worked together on a professional level before. Roy gave them missions that sent them far and wide and if those missions so happened to coincide with their own goals and/or his, then all the more luck to them. But being ordered to work a mission together? That could only mean one thing.

“General Moore is tightening the leash,” Roy explained. “Apparently I’ve been…lax with my subordinates. He doesn’t approve. I’ve not been using the alchemist under my command to the best of his abilities.”

Frowning, Riza clutched the papers against her chest. “Sir, Edward is…”

“Not ready for this, I know,” Roy finished for her. The surprise had worn away from her face, replaced by an expression that almost looked grim. She knew what it felt like to be called upon to do her duty for her country. As did Roy. An almost fourteen year-old Edward Elric and his younger brother did not. Sure, they’d been through more hell than most, but not this kind of forced hell where you couldn’t tell right from wrong. He had hoped, perhaps naively so, that he could shield them from that. “Orders are orders though.”

“Sir.” Riza jumped forward. “You can’t–”

“I can’t do anything,” Roy interrupted, colder than he wanted to be. Riza halted, a flash of hurt crossing her face so quickly than anyone else besides him would’ve missed it. His heart leaped in that moment though. “Fullmetal will join us.” He stood up, resisting the urge to crumple the paper on his desk. No, he had to be calm. For the both of them. For all of them. “But he’s inexperienced in missions like these and likely will cause more trouble than help because so. I’ll only be able to use him if absolutely necessary.”

Understanding slowly began to blossom in her eyes, even though her face was completely still. “General Moore is giving you command of this mission.”

“How very generous of him, isn’t it?” Roy replied dryly.

Riza nodded her head, but it wasn’t in agreement. She knew what this meant. By giving Roy command of this mission – the very thing that he had been fighting against for the past few months – the General was placing nearly all of the responsibility on the Roy’s shoulders. If one little thing were to go wrong, the blame would be laid at his feet, not Moore’s. It was a crude tactic. Moore knew that Roy didn’t want anything to do with this, and he was taking great pleasure in forcing Roy’s hand anyways. Adding Fullmetal was just an extra flick on the nose. From the start, Roy had said that any outright confrontation with the rebels would lead to disaster – and now he was being forced to lead it.

Sighing, Roy sat back down in his seat and allowed himself to lean back, if only so he wouldn’t slump. “Military politics are a messy thing. We’ll have to be careful about this. Any wrong word could lead to war.”

“Likely that’s what the brass wants,” Riza pointed out.

She was right, of course. The higher ups had been itching to start something, whether it be in the south with Aurego or the north with Drachma. He couldn’t understand their eagerness for bloodlust when Ishval still hung over his head so hotly. Did they not remember how bloody that eight year war had been? Roy was determined to do whatever he could to get to the top, but he wasn’t so keen to stain his hands again. And he most certainly did not want to get Fullmetal involved. The kid had a lot of spirits and brains, but he lacked the gut for war. Being a State Alchemist didn’t allow him the choice, but if Roy could spare him in any way…

“I won’t give it to them,” Roy told her determinedly.

What he really meant was: _I won’t give him to them._ Regardless of the fact that he had been the one to recruit Edward and sign him up for the program, he wouldn’t give them the last shred of Edward’s innocence. Roy was not about to murder that as well. If he had to take on a little extra and damn his soul a little further, then so be it, but Edward could not afford it.

Riza gave him a look like he was being obstinate, similar to the look she gave him all those years ago when they were teenagers and he’d done whatever he could to distract her from her studies. “Do you think they’ll really give you that choice?”

Despite his being in charge, would he have the option to not do as they wanted? If they told him to let loose and destroy – if they commanded it – would he have any choice? Ishval reared its ugly head towards him. He could still see the look of his former friend’s face, of Heathcliff’s face, pained and horrified and angry. He could still feel the gunshot knocking him back and hearing Hughes’ scream his name. He could still hear the screams, if he fell into silence for too long. Would he have any choice but to hear them again if he was ordered?

“No,” Roy said, “but they won’t have that option either.”

Because they didn’t know about Riza. She wouldn’t let him do that. If it came down to him or destroying another country again, ending innocent lives, she would be able to make the right decision. If he could not fight it, then she would. She had his back. It was strange how having a gun trained to the back of his head did not make him feel defeated or scared. At least it was hers and no one else’s. The fact that she didn’t blink at his suggestion – the fact that she understood him intrinsically – somehow made him love her more. Strange, all strange, and yet something he had come to understand about himself as well.

“If I’m going to lead this mission, it’s going to require a few…underhanded tactics that I’d rather the General not know about.” Roy smiled. He liked those kinds of things. Deals made behind the scene were his specialty. Both Grumman and his aunt had taught him well.

Riza was a soldier through and through though. Hiding was not a thing she did unless she was behind the scope of her rifle and only then did it come easily to her. “The General won’t like that if he finds out.”

Roy shrugged his shoulders. “That makes no difference to me. In his mind, there are only two options: either I fail and I fall out of grace or a war is started. He doesn’t have the brain capacity to consider the third.” When Riza gave him an almost questioning look, he grinned smugly at her and leaned further back in his chair, threading his fingers behind his head. “That I succeed and things come to a peaceful resolution.”

“Since when have you ever been good at resolving things peacefully, sir?” The question was close to teasing, Riza’s tone near sardonic. It wasn’t enough to make him scowl though. Instead, it only managed to make him grin broader. He did enjoy when she got like that.

“There’s a time to learn for everything, Lieutenant,” Roy said cheekily. And a time and a place for everything. He was going to have to be incredibly careful with this situation and mission or everything would come crashing down around him. Every piece would have to be moved delicately, from his team, to the insurgents, to the General and other officers, and even Edward. Everything would have to be just right.

Either that or they died. No big deal, right? Roy tried not to grit his teeth while he grinned at Riza. Just another day in the military.


	8. H is for Hero

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy and his team, Edward and Alphonse included, arrive in South City to meet who they're working with in order to bring down the Aurego insurgents and deal with Roy's least favorite General without starting a war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is connected to G is for Generous and Drabble 48 (“Side of Face”) from my 100 Royai Drabble series, "you pull me through time," but that latter is really only if you want backstory on asshat General Moore that I created to piss off Roy every chance I got. This, uh, got a little out of hand. I’ve had the idea for these particular connected fics in my head for so long, ever since that drabble actually, but I couldn’t get my brain to work them into a chaptered fic until I started this. It was a way to settle my brain and make peace with all the ideas I had at once. Now that it’s becoming stupidly expansive, I kind of wish I’d just gone for it and made it a separate thing, but oh well, too late! At least they’re connected and in chronological order unlike my soulmate tattoo fics and the ones with Aidan. Welcome to South City, folks! Also, if it seems like there isn't much Royai in this chapter, JUST YOU WAIT. It's coming.

“Ugh, it’s so damn hot here!” Edward exclaimed as he stepped off the train. Dirt flew around his feet as his boots connected with the sand. He put up one gloved hand to shield his eyes from the sun as the other held a suitcase. There was no telling how long they would be here, so Riza had told him to pack for a long trip. Luckily Edward and Alphonse were already used to long trips, as they didn’t stay in one place for too long. She was almost certain that nearly all of his belongings were capable of fitting in that one suitcase.

“Are you going to stand in the way all day, Fullmetal, or must I get a forklift to move you?” Roy asked tartly from behind, still standing on the train. Riza rolled her eyes, but said nothing as Edward shot the older alchemist a glare and began to walk away. Of course, he had no idea of where he was going since he’d never been to the South City Headquarters before, but he’d never admit it.

Riza silently followed Roy off the train, Alphonse behind her. He was more excited about seeing the city than all of them combined. Apparently he and Edward hadn’t been this far south before. Next they would have to go up North, maybe even see Briggs, although she highly doubted that would be nearly as fun as they believed. For all their skills in alchemy and the tragedy they’d lived through, the Elric brothers were still children in many ways.

Havoc grumbled as he threw his suitcase over his back. “This is going to be a load of crock.”

“General Moore is going to totally run us ragged,” Breda sighed as he tossed an already emptied bottle of water into a trashcan. That was a no brainer. It hadn’t been by chance that Moore had chosen Roy and his team for this particular mission. He had done it with the specific goal of dragging Roy through the mud, doing everything in his power to piss off the Colonel. That included ordering Roy’s entire team to come with them, including the Fullmetal Alchemist.

Falman glanced up at the sky. “I’m going to get sunburned. I hate the heat.”

Fuery handed him a tube of sunscreen. “Always come prepared when you’re going South or near the desert.”

It was more than that though. This was close to being a war zone. Riza couldn’t help but be reminded of the first time she hopped out of the back of a truck and stepped foot into the Ishval desert. The way soldiers were speckled here and there, not for mere duty or protection, but strategically placed in case of an attack. There were also more military vehicles in the area than usual. People didn’t stop and join in idle chit chat; most hurried about their business and kept their heads down. The air felt tense, orderly, and insecure.

“How about you, chief?” Havoc asked once they reached where Edward was studying the map of the town. “How do you think your automail will fare here?”

Edward frowned and rubbed at his shoulder where the ports of his automail connected to his nerves. “Ah, damn, I didn’t think about that, what with the heat and everything. Winry is going to kill me if I get too much sand in it. That’ll mess with the joints.”

Havoc slapped him good naturedly on the back. “Then you best be careful, lest you want to make your girl back home pissed off at you.”

“She’s not my–” Edward couldn’t even finish as he flushed red in the face and began to sputter incoherently. Havoc merely grinned and chuckled as he moved on to follow the rest of the team. One reason or another, they had all been to the Southern Headquarters and knew where they were going. Alphonse appeared to hesitate on whether to stay with his flabbergasted brother or not before hurrying after them, Edward grudgingly on their tail.

As far as headquarters went, the Southern one wasn’t anything special. Much like Northern Headquarters, it was always left to be wary of invaders, although Briggs mainly took care of that concern and the brunt of any assaults by Drachman soldiers. There had been no overt attacks by Aurego soldiers yet, despite the recent spike in activity from the insurgents. Despite that though, with the Southern Headquarters being so closely located to the border, the scent of an attack at any minute hung thick in the air around them. It looked more like a place to hold a tactical stand in a war than a government building.

Then again, the government’s business these days seemed to be war, did it not?

“Ah, there you all are!” a cheerful man’s voice greeted as they stepped outside of the train station. A tan, dark-haired man wearing a military uniform stood in front of a few parked vehicles. He stepped towards them, eager to shake their hands. The men behind her gave each other looks. No doubt they hadn’t been expecting someone so chipper to be on this mission with them. It didn’t match Moore’s mood. Edward hung back behind her, most likely trying to hide from the man. “Right on time, unusual for this time of year. The trains run notoriously late in these parts.”

“Colonel Branson, I presume?” Roy asked as he shook the other man’s hand.

“That would be me,” Branson responded, a bright smile on his face. “And of course I know you. We’ve not met in person - I was stationed further south in Fexief dealing with Auregan arms smugglers - but I’d be an idiot to not know who you are. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Colonel Mustang, the Hero of Ishval.”

There was no mocking in his tone, not like normal when other people close in rank as Roy said his old nickname. He was the youngest Colonel, after all, and some people felt smarted by the fact that he’d raised in the ranks so quickly. Using that old title was normally a slight jab, if only because it left a terrible taste in the mouth afterwards, but it appeared as if Branson was being earnest in his appreciation.

Behind her, she felt Edward stir upon hearing the nickname Roy was given and mumble something to Alphonse. She thought that it might have been something like, “That bastard is a hero?” but she couldn’t be for certain. There was a strange hint of familiarity in his tone though, as if he’d heard it before, no doubt during his travels and his time spent at any of the Headquarters.

Despite himself or because because of it, Roy was known throughout all of Amestris. Everyone knew of the Flame Alchemist, just as the Amestrian people were learning about his subordinate, the Fullmetal Alchemist, the youngest State Alchemist and military officer in history. One prodigy was curious, but two of them together was exciting. Still, Edward had never brought up the “Hero of Ishval” thing himself. He probably didn’t know how to go about it, considering what he knew of the Ishval War.

“Colonel Mustang will do, Colonel,” Roy responded stiffly, waving to the men to start loading up the car with their belongings. He didn’t sound angry though, so that was a good thing at least. He wasn’t smiling though despite Branson’s kind reception of them, so she could tell that he was very uncomfortable with how he’d been greeted by the name. She wondered if that was why Moore had picked Branson to help coordinate with this mission. Someone to prick at Roy’s ego might distract him.

Nonetheless, Branson didn’t seem to be disarmed by Roy’s cool response. “Of course, how absurd of me.” Without missing a beat, he moved on to shake Riza’s hand. “You must be First Lieutenant Hawkeye. I’ve heard some wild stories about your shooting skills, but hopefully they won’t be necessary here.”

“I concur and a pleasure to meet you, sir.” Riza tried to put some warmth in her voice behind the professionalism. He seemed pleased by that, his brown eyes lighting up a little more. Perhaps he had been thrown off by Roy. For a moment, she wondered if he was merely acting this way because of Branson’s use of his title or if it was because of General Moore. They were playing a dangerous game here, after all, and didn’t know all the pieces yet. “Surely you didn’t have to come out here yourself to take us to HQ.”

“Nonsense. What kind of host would I be if I didn’t greet you myself?” Branson seemed unflappable in his sunny demeanor. She thought it incredibly unusual considering the way everyone else around them behaved. Few people stopped to smile or speak cheerfully as they hurried about. While no one seemed miserable, they didn’t seem very happy either. It was just business as usual. “Most of the soldiers stationed here are from the South, but I’m one of the few that’s actually from South City. I know my way around here and the people better than anyone.” A sheepish smile crossed his face. “Besides, I think General Moore wanted me out of his hair for a while.”

Roy raised an eyebrow at that and turned to face him. “Oh?”

“Not to speak ill of the General, of course,” Branson assured swiftly, “but I don’t believe things are…exactly what he expected here.”

The men worked around her to load the cars, Alphonse helping dutifully, but she distinctly noted that Edward had stayed behind her in order to listen. Someone might think that he was merely listening because he was directly involved in the mission, having been ordered by name to accompany them, but she could see from the outskirts of her eyes that his golden gaze switched from Roy to Branson quickly. He was watching _them_.

A very quick study in alchemy, Edward was not accustomed to the politics and manipulations of the military. As far as he was concerned, his own rank as Major mattered little to him. But he must have been curious every now and then to watch the game play out. He didn’t see it often. For the most part, Roy Mustang was the face of the military to Edward. He didn’t usually deal with too many other officers, the exceptions being Lieutenant-Colonel Maes Hughes and Major Armstrong. What he most certainly didn’t see was the power plays that went on in the military. While Roy may have used Edward for his own gain here and there, he was fairly straightforward with Edward and never outright lied to him.

Branson actually turned a little red in the face. “Well, I think he may have expected, ah, a more enthusiastic reception to his plans to deal with the Auregan insurgents.” Finally, he looked a tad bit uncomfortable. “No one here is really gunning for another war though. To be honest, we’re still dealing with the blowbacks from the smuggling trade during the Ishval War. There’s so many weapons lying about, you see, and it’d honestly be easier to snatch the dealers in order to cut the insurgents’ supplies. We run a bit thin down here compared to other Headquarters.”

“Why is that?” Roy asked.

The other Colonel shrugged his shoulders. “No one likes to work down here. Most people try to transfer out asap. That’s why most soldiers are from the South.” He let out a laugh. It didn’t sound forced at all. “Maybe we’re just too stubborn or stupid to leave.”

“I’ve found that most soldiers like to be stationed where they’re from,” Roy pointed out. She thought that he was loosening up a little. His shoulders weren’t so tense anymore and the distant expression on his face had started to fade away.

“You’re from Central but stationed in Eastern, right?” Branson said. “I think I read that in your file at least…”

“That’s some good memory, Colonel,” Roy said, sounding a bit shrewd. It appeared as if Branson had studied them a lot closer than they had been able to study him. Granted, they hadn’t really had any access to his files. Moore’s adjutant, First Lieutenant Connors, had given them a flimsy folder filled with notes on who they would be working with, but for the most part, the detailed records of each soldier was typically kept where they were stationed.

Branson rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve got an eye for detail, or so my superior officers say. It’s partly why I was chosen for this mission.”

“We were under the impression that General Moore chose you specifically.”

“Oh, heaven’s no!” Branson laughed. “I’d only met the General once when he came down after that last tragic bombing, but it was only briefly. I don’t think he even remembers me. Major General Wilcox was actually the one to suggest me and got me this assignment.” He somewhat fondly pat the door of the vehicle he was standing by. It was a dusty beat-up thing, but it looked rugged and like it could drive through a spot of hell. “I believe his winning words were that I am ‘always eager to do my military duty and follow orders without complaint or reservation’.”

Roy’s eyes darkened slightly at that. She could tell right away that he was changing his quick assessment of the man standing before them. Branson may have one of the sunniest personalities she’d ever seen from a military officer, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be a cold-blooded killer. Unfortunately, that was the world they lived in now. After all, she had seen Hughes kill people in Ishval and knew how quick he was with a knife. She spotted the way Edward furrowed his brow at Roy’s slight change in demeanor, but he said nothing either. He hadn’t yet caught on to the implications of Branson’s words.

“Well, I suppose we’ll see how this joint operation goes then,” Roy said coolly. “I’d rather avoid any unnecessary bloodshed or damage if possible, but things are heated and…some people are set in their ways.”

“Yes, you are right about that,” Branson sighed regretfully as he opened the backdoor of the jeep for them. “So many people leap to use weapons to solve things when words can work just as well.” He cringed and glanced quickly back at Roy. “Not that I’m insinuating anything unpleasant about any State Alchemists’ involvement, Colonel.”

“Of course not,” Roy replied. He was by far too used to being seen as a human weapon by the common people and many people in the military for him to be bothered by any implications. He knew what he was and he knew who he was. Edward, on the other hand, was not and she heard him harrumph in aggravation.

“Oh, by the way,” Branson said curiously, perking up once more. “Was that the Fullmetal Alchemist I saw get in the second car? I read that he was young, but I didn’t expect him to be so tall!”

Edward, who had stepped up to get in the vehicle first, finally broke his silence and damn near threw himself at the unsuspecting Branson. “He’s not–!”

“Get in the car, Fullmetal,” Roy intoned before unceremoniously shoving Edward into the vehicle. The poor kid, already unbalanced from his explosion, toppled forward and fell face first into the seat. After awkwardly picking himself up, he shuffled to the other side of the seat and glared furiously at Roy, crossing his arms and huffing in a spectacular manner.

Meanwhile, Branson looked confused as he glanced from Roy to the sagging car which contained Alphonse and then finally back to Edward. “Oh! You’re Edward Elric! I didn’t realize…”

“Yeah, well, we all can’t be as well-known and famous as the great Hero of Ishval,” Edward grumbled scathingly under his breath.

Because Edward wasn’t looking at him and Branson was still gawking at Edward, no one except for Riza noticed the way that Roy visibly flinched at Edward’s use of his title. For a brief moment, she thought she saw a flash of hurt in his dark eyes, but it might have just been the sunlight. It looked different from anger though. Edward didn’t know any better. He didn’t yet realize that the title wasn’t an honorific but a curse that had been bestowed upon him. One day he would though and she didn’t know whether he’d be horrified of who he was serving under or regretful of casting the man as just a self-absorbed schemer.

Taking note of the way Roy suddenly hesitated getting in the vehicle, Riza moved so that she was able to get inside before him and sit in the middle so that she was sitting in between the two alchemists. He clearly felt uncomfortable sitting next to Edward all of a sudden. She thought it looked like shame. Roy had abused his alchemy in a way that Edward would probably curse him over. He knew some, but not the extent. She rather thought that Roy was trying his best to shield Edward from that knowledge for as long as possible.

Once they were all inside, Riza squished in between Roy and Edward, Branson turned to face them from the front passenger seat. “It’s only a few miles to HQ from here, but the roads are, ah, bumpy at best, so it takes a bit longer than expected. I’ll apologize in advance for the upcoming ride.”

The drive to Southern Headquarters did prove to be as unpleasant and painful as Branson had suggested. She did her best not to wince, but it was difficult not to when Edward’s automail arm dug into her side or Roy’s knees knocked against hers. Unable to feel it and determinedly looking out the window at the passing city, Edward didn’t notice what he was doing, but Roy looked at her apologetically each time and mouthed “sorry” once. In return, she gave him an understanding smile and shook her head. No apology necessary.

If the drive was any indication, this mission would be incredibly difficult and bumpy. There were so many obstacles that they needed to leap over and potholes they had to avoid. Any wrong turn could spell disaster, for the team, for Roy, for South City, even for Aurego. And she knew that despite the tension currently broiling between them, Roy was especially concerned for Edward and Alphonse. They had gone through a lot and done some dangerous things during their time in the military, but nothing as delicate or difficult as this. They were being thrown directly in the line of fire that Roy had so far managed to keep them out of.

They would do it together, him and her, the team, the Elrics. She knew they could do that. For now, she wasn’t sure what to make of Colonel Branson or his team and she knew for a fact that General Moore would make things as miserable as possible for them, but they were damn good together. They would watch each other’s backs. And she would guard Roy’s carefully to ensure that nothing happened to him – and that he did nothing to break his promise.

Riza closed her eyes and took a deep breath, strangely wishing that Roy would squeeze her hand in comfort. She hadn’t wished for that in a while. It was a weakness she refused to allow herself to think of, especially when they were in public, but she felt it now. God, she hoped beyond everything that Roy wouldn’t be forced into a position like that. She was terrified of what would happen. Could he be like Branson’s superior officers said he was? Would he follow any orders without complaint? If Moore was able to make Roy heel like he wanted and use his power to his own will, what would she do?

No, it wouldn’t come to that. Roy wouldn’t let it come to that. She had to trust him to be able to work through this. She had to trust him. That was all there was to it.


	9. I is for Incendiary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roy has to not only deal with General Moore's horrible plan to deal with the insurgents, but Edward's inability to keep his mouth shut. Politics is so hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, shit is getting so complicated now. But I really enjoyed writing this one, even if it’s not super Royai. It’s got some good parental!Royed moments though. You all know I can’t help but play on the tension with that. And I really like writing about Roy dealing head on with the military. It's a big mental exercise. In the process, I finally figured out what I’m going to do with Team Mustang in this group of interconnected one-shots. I had a hard time figuring out how I wanted this mission to play out. I mean, it’s a lot to think of, okay? (I still had fun.) So yeah, this one is connected with G is for Generous and H is for Hero.

It took every inch of self-restraint in Roy to keep himself from lashing out the second General Moore laid his eyes on Edward. Roy didn’t even know why the sudden urge to punch the older man in the face burst inside of his mind so strongly when he hadn’t even said anything to Edward yet, but it was there, flashing in his mind like the open sign hanging in a bar window. Sure, he despised Moore and often thought about what it might feel like to set the edges of the man’s jacket on fire, but never had such an intrusive and violent urge come over him concerning the General.

But my God, did Roy want to sock that asshole right in the jaw for merely looking at Edward.

In the few seconds that Moore, a rather tall and imposing man, glared down at the young alchemist, Roy knew exactly what was going on in the other man’s mind. To Moore, Edward was just a tool that he could use. That was how he viewed State Alchemists; they were human weapons to be used, dogs to heel and attack when ordered. As he assessed the Fullmetal Alchemist, Moore was trying to figure out a way to use Edward, not only for his own schemes down here but also against Roy.

The first thing he’d try to do was separate them, but Roy was not about to let that happen under any circumstances. He would go around Moore and send Edward and Alphonse back to Central before allowing that to happen. The second thing would be to put a wedge in between the two alchemists and try to them against one another. Fat chance of that happening the way Moore would like. Roy and Edward already had an antagonizing and difficult relationship. They fought with each other as if the wedge was already in place.

Roy understood that was what Edward needed though. He struggled against anyone, most definitely authority figures, because he needed to be strong enough on his own. Edward would rather die than look like he needed help, even when he did truly need it. Whether he knew it or not now, he needed Roy’s help or he would forcibly have his eyes opened to the true horrors of being a State Alchemist.

“It took you long enough to get here, Mustang,” Moore said, finally turning his attention on Roy. The jab didn’t phase him in the slightest. Moore could insult him seven ways to Sunday, and it wouldn’t bother him. “You were ordered to be here three days ago.”

“We had to wait for Fullmetal to return to Eastern, as the orders also stated to come here all at once,” Roy pointed out in a cool tone. Moore twisted his mouth at that, ready to argue despite the pointlessness, as he refused to agree with anything Roy said, but Roy didn’t let him start. “He was finishing a mission that I sent him on. I don’t like to keep the subordinates under my command to sit idly and do nothing.”

“So you send him alone far from HQ without any supervision?” Moore countered, no doubt feeling irritated at having been called out. One of the reasons he’d ordered Edward to accompany them for this mission was because he believed that Roy was wasting Edward’s abilities and not using him for the greater good of the military. To have the very opposite thing being rubbed in his face was a humiliating affront that only he, Roy, and Riza knew.

Roy smiled thinly. “I’ve found that he produces the best results on his own and I use all my subordinates in ways that play to their strengths.” He glanced down at Edward, who had his arms folded across his chest and was openly scowling. He hated being talked about like he wasn’t standing right next to them. Only Riza putting a hand on his shoulder was probably keeping him from exploding. Oh, General Moore was not going to have an easy time trying to manipulate him. “But we didn’t come all the way to South City to talk about my leadership skills. We can settle into our living arrangements later. I’d like to get down to business.”

Just as Roy expected and Colonel Branson hinted at earlier, Moore’s plan was incendiary at best and horrifying at worst. Though never said outright, if the plan was followed to a t, it would end with the mass murder of innocent civilians just in order to decimate the hiding insurgent group. And that end only brought about one beginning: war. The Amestris military was large and although casualties had been suffered during the Ishval War, they hadn’t been high and there always seemed to be more fodder for for the military. When one soldier died, two more filled his place, pumped up with the grand ideals that the government flooded the people with.

Roy had been one of those people, hadn’t he? And he’d infected Riza with his dreams as well. He glanced back at Riza for a second, who had managed to remain impassive during the entire mission debriefing. Look where that had gotten the both of them.

Taking a deep breath, Roy prepared to assault Moore’s plan and pick it apart with as much delicacy as he could muster. He hated being like this with Moore, but this was a sticky situation. Whatever plan they came up with, it would be Roy’s job to lead it and make sure everyone followed through. He had to make sure that the plan pleased Moore’s appetite for retribution, the South’s desire to avoid war, and Roy’s need to keep violence to a minimum, all the while making sure to protect his team, especially Edward and Alphonse. The current plan violated all these things. This was going to be a mess indeed.

“That plan is a disaster!” Edward exclaimed, somehow managing to look both incredulous and furious. Roy nearly choked on his breath and clamped his mouth shut as he jerked his eyes to Edward. Even Riza looked taken aback by the boy’s sudden outburst, eyes wider than before and eyebrows slightly raised. To the side, Colonel Branson cringed and Alphonse shifted uncomfortably.

Edward, of course, didn’t notice anything wrong at all.

General Moore glared down at him. “Excuse me, Major?”

“My name is Edward, not Major.” Edward’s tone was so dismissive that Roy couldn’t even manage to glower at him. It was the kind of tone that Roy himself dreamed of using on Moore, but never dared, because he knew that he’d not only get written up but would suffer massive consequences. Edward didn’t give two shits though. They could demote him or cut his salary in half for all he cared; he knew that they would never allow him to leave the military, not with his gift, just as Roy knew the same thing. “Maybe you didn’t hear me right the first time: I said that this plan is a disaster. Not only that, it’s dangerous, poorly thought out, insanely overkill, and idiotic.”

Roy closed his eyes and tried not to let panic, rage, and stress overwhelm him all at once. The urge to drag his nails down his face and groan out loud was almost too much to ignore. Sure, Edward was saying everything that was on Roy’s mind, but not in the right way. This needed to be handled with extreme delicacy and caution, neither of which Edward was capable of. This was why he had wanted Edward to go with the rest of the team, but Moore had insisted on Edward joining them on the debriefing.

This plan was a disaster? This whole thing was a disaster!

“Poorly thought out and idiotic?” Moore demanded, his face turning the same bright red that usually only Roy was capable of bringing out. “I created this strategic plan.”

“Yeah, well,” Edward responded, waving his automail hand about and looking down at the papers on the table again. He didn’t finish this sentence, but he didn’t need to. The implication hung thick in the air, ringing in everyone’s ears. Roy didn’t know whether he wanted to smack Edward upside the back of his head or pat him on the back, but now he was stuck doing even more damage control.

Opening his eyes, Roy did his very best to remain calm. “Eloquent as ever, Fullmetal,” he said dryly. Edward didn’t move to look back at him as he leafed through the papers detailing Moore’s bloody plan of attack, but his shoulders tensed for a second and he clenched his hands into fists on top of the table. “What I’m sure he’s trying to say is that it seems like this plan was drawn on the fly. We can work with the skeleton of it, but there are some points that need to be fleshed out more, some necessary alterations, and some cut out altogether.”

“I’m saying it sucks,” Edward muttered under his breath. Luckily, only Roy managed to catch that last part, so he decided to ignore it for now and pretend he hadn’t heard anything.

“Are you suggesting we waste more time with planning?” Moore questioned. “While those savages roam free to carry out another fatal attack against our people?”

“It’s not a waste if we create a better plan, one that doesn’t involve many needless Amestrian and Auregon deaths,” Roy countered coolly. Although Edward appeared focused on the papers, Roy thought that Edward was paying more attention to the conversation than he seemed. He noticed how still Edward had become and that boy was never still. “Not counting that last attack, the Aurego insurgents have done us the same courtesy.”

Moore scoffed. “You call blowing up buildings a courtesy?”

Roy shrugged his shoulders. “We did the same in Ishval, did we not? Except we didn’t check to see if check to see if the buildings were empty first like they have.” At that comment, Edward dropped the papers in his hands and shifted slightly. Now it was obvious that he was listening. Having been so young and wrapped up in the loss of his mother and his alchemy training, he knew little about the Ishval War. Roy hoped to keep it that way. “There has to be a way that we can flush out these fugitives without so much bloodshed. I’m sure Colonel Branson and the rest of South HQ would agree with me on this matter. They’re close to war already as it is. We don’t need to tip the scale.”

Branson jumped in quickly, seeing where Roy was going. “Things are volatile here in the South, but we’ve managed to create something resembling peace despite tensions with Aurego. I think it would be wise to strengthen that bond instead of shattering it.”

Casting a sideways glance at Branson, Roy assessed the man. He appeared earnest in his desire to avoid war and anything that might point in that direction, but he also hadn’t said anything outright against the plan either. He toed the line very carefully. Just because the man didn’t agree with the decision didn’t mean he wouldn’t follow through with orders once given them. If Moore overrode Roy here and commanded Branson to start with this plan post-haste, Roy believed that Branson would, despite any reservations. He was an excellent soldier, maybe even a good man, but even men like that could do awful things.

Roy, Riza, and even Hughes all had the same blood on their hands as men like Kimblee and Moore.

“What do you suggest then?” Moore asked. The man was a bastard and an idiot, but even he could see when he was outnumbered and knew when to change direction.

“We need to flush them out, get them in the open, not push them into a corner where they’re more likely to attack,” Roy pointed out. He stepped up next to Edward and rifled through the papers until he found one that carried the intel that he was interested in. Branson’s comments earlier were still in his head. “There has been no indication that these insurgents have their own stash of weapons; they deal with arms dealers instead, men and women that have already been identified and tracked in this area by Colonel Branson and his men. We cut their suppliers out of the picture; they’re going to be on the market again. They’ll have to come out of hiding.”

Moore folded his arms across his chest, a frown on his face as he furrowed his brow. “And then what?”

Roy held out his hands. “And then we supply them with the demand.”

“Are you suggesting we give our enemy weapons to use against us?” Moore asked incredulously.

“In a sense,” Roy said, not caring that Moore was looking at him like he was mad. “There will be a lot more details involved and it’ll be more complicated, but the gist is simple. We cut off their supply of weapons, creating a gaping and desperate demand. We become their new suppliers. It’s not hard to imagine a group of military individuals, former or current, disillusioned by the government, especially after the Ishval War.” Not hard at all really. He could almost laugh, but kept a straight face on. “Obviously the entire group won’t show up to a buy, but we can put trackers on some of the weapons and their crates, enabling us to follow them back to their base.”

Edward was now paying complete attention to him, looking at him strangely. In a way, Roy thought Edward was looking at him like he’d never seen Roy before. This was a side of himself that he’d like to have kept hidden from Edward, but there was little to no choice now. He’d just have to harp on the kid and be extra flippant later. Maybe he’d flirt with some of the female soldiers. That would throw Edward off and turn him into a blushing aggravated shit. It’d make him forget for at least a little while.

“We bring them out into the light and then follow them back into the dark,” Branson murmured, a hand on his chin as he thought about Roy’s brief plan.

“It makes more sense than going after the families of suspected terrorists,” Roy pointed out.

“Also more humane and not so callous,” Edward added, a hint of venom in his voice. No doubt that was the part of Moore’s plan that set him off the most. Indeed, it was the part that had Roy gritting his teeth. Involving innocent men, women, and children and putting their lives in danger, even ending them, all on whims and whispers? Some of this intel was sketchy and uncorroborated. Roy did not act out on information that could be faulty, not anymore. Edward gave Roy a shrewd look. “I can’t believe you of all people came up with something so reasonable.”

Roy smiled sharply at him, but decided not to respond. The lack of verbal response or anger caused Edward to huff in irritation and look away again. Behind him, he felt rather than heard Riza sigh quietly. She was watching all of this as silently as Moore’s own adjutant, First Lieutenant Connors, and Branson’s adjutant, a short brunette woman named First Lieutenant Rivers. The invite to the mission debriefing hadn’t been extended to them, but it was a given that all of them would be joining in order to take notes among other things. Roy was grateful for Riza’s stalworthy presence; it was comforting. She would have his back in this at least if no one else did.

“We’ll talk about this more in depth later at eighteen hundred hours sharp. Dismissed.” Moore pointed to the door. Everyone in the room made a slight bow and then saluted, although Edward’s was half-assed at best. Roy would have to correct him later, even if he didn’t give a damn about Edward not respecting Moore. Edward left the room first, practically running, most likely to get back to Alphonse. Once everyone was out of the room except for Roy, Moore called out, “And Mustang?”

Roy turned back around. Riza halted in front of him. “Sir?”

“You better get that mutt of yours on a leash,” Moore told him, “or he will be taken away from you.”

Not able to say anything in return that wouldn’t get himself court-martialed, Roy was stuck with merely looking back at Moore blankly before turning on his heels. He shut the door with a little more force than was necessary and started down the hallway. Riza followed him from behind, saying nothing, but surely was able to read the fury emanating from his body.

Mutt? Edward was one of the most gifted alchemists in Amestris alongside Roy. With a flick of his fingers, he would have been able to turn that asshole into ashes. He wouldn’t even be recognizable as a human after Roy was done with him. And he called them mutts? Even worse, Moore dared to threaten to take Edward away from him? Roy was the one that found Edward in the first place; he was the one to accompany Edward to his State Alchemist exam. There was no way in hell that Roy would allow that. Edward was  _ his _ subordinate. He would fail under any other commanding officer. They wouldn’t know what to do with him, how to handle him, how to take care of him. It was utterly ridiculous and insulting that Moore would even suggest a thing.

“You can’t let him get to you,” Riza said, finally breaking the silence if not the tension.

“Fullmetal was right,” Roy grumbled as they continued to walk. “That man is an idiot - a dangerous one at that. How the hell did he get so much power?”

“You know why. His plan points out as much. He’s willing to be brutal and do whatever necessary in order to produce results.” Riza’s voice was cool, like a slow-running creek in the woods, and utterly patient. It brought him back down, reminding him to take a breath. He could feel the anger flowing out of him. “That’s what the military needs. He pushes people into doing horrific things out of a sense of duty and honor, people like Branson, people like you and me.”

She never shied about who she was and what she did. She never lied or tried to sugarcoat things. She never had, not even when they were kids. She was honest to a fault, if nothing else. He both loved and sometimes even hated that about her. She never could let him down easy. Even when she was so understanding, she was never quite forgiving. It reminded him of when explained to her why he was leaving to join the military. She understood him and believed in his decision, saying that was probably for the best, but her acceptance seemed to come with a strange guilt that he could never wash away.

That more than anything always managed to keep him in check when he thought he might spiral.

“You handled things well, despite Edward’s outburst,” Riza told him, a very faint smile on her face.

Roy ran his fingers through his hair. Damn that kid for making things so difficult all the time. “My plan isn’t any less dangerous though. We’re putting ourselves right in the fire.”

This time, the smile was prominent on her face. “Isn’t that what you’re known for, sir?”

Roy couldn’t help himself. He laughed. “Well, Lieutenant, it appears as if you’re right. I am known for fire and this place looks ready to go up in flames at any second.”

“You’ll have to put them out this time, however,” Riza pointed out. Although her words were serious, her tone was teasing. She loved puns more than anyone that Roy knew, even if no one else knew that about her. “A little more difficult than blowing things up, I’m afraid.”

“I’ve got to learn how to do that at some point,” Roy said. Yes, putting out fire a lot more difficult than creating it, both literally and figuratively. Already the sparks were there at every turn. Moore was the flint ready to use Roy to create the fire; he didn’t know if Branson would be brush to help it burn or water to douse the flames; and he was afraid more than anything that Edward and Alphonse would be collateral that got burned in the way.

No, his team could handle it. They’d handled everything else thrown at them so far. They could do this. Roy tried not to grit his teeth again. They had to. There was no other option.


	10. J is for Justified

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Ed tries to understand this new side of Roy and the team, a bust on an Auregon gun runner's home goes awry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got so much longer than I anticipated that I'm not even sorry anymore. The moment I started writing about Ed and his thoughts concerning the mission and the team, the chapter ran away from me. This is way more parental!Royed than Royai, which will be focused on in the next two (and possibly last) chapters for this story arc, but I really enjoyed writing about Ed seeing Roy in a new and shocking light. I knew where I wanted to go with this, but couldn't think of a word for this letter -- until I realized that I'm binge-watching a show tilted the perfect word for this chapter. Really, this chapter is inspired by that show. For references, this chapter is connected with G is for Generous, H is for Hero, and I is for Incendiary. Warning for violence and some blood.

The hunt for the gunrunners that were supplying the Auregon insurgents started out painfully sluggish. Ed was forced to stand back as Mustang took the brunt of the verbal punishment from General Moore in those first few days. To be honest, it was kind of shocking. Besides Hawkeye chiding him every so often, Ed had never seen anyone treat Mustang the way that Moore treated him, so belittling and rude. How could anyone be right in treating someone in such a way? At first, it reminded him of the way that Mustang behaved with him sometimes, but then, he noticed that there was something lacking.

Ed wasn’t going to say respect, but…

Mustang could be a total bastard and had a particular gift in pissing Ed off, but he was never downright cruel. He was an asshole, but he wasn’t mean about it. Even when Ed knew that the man had to be angry with him for one reason or another, like when Ed exploded during the mission debriefing, Mustang did not treat him badly. Distant, sure, and maybe even cold, but there was no rage or disgust. Mustang teased and mocked and dismissed him, but there was always a silver lining of understanding that belied their interactions with one another.

Not like with Moore and Mustang. Moore clearly loathed Mustang in a way that made Ed realize that he honestly didn’t. It was a disgruntling realization. When immediate results weren’t produced, Moore had called Mustang out and yelled at him in front of everyone. It was painfully awkward, most of them looking away and Colonel Branson watching uneasily and waiting his turn. Ed was certain that Mustang would blow a gasket, considering no one talked to him like that, especially in front of others, but was surprised when Mustang silently stood there, a blank expression on his face, and just took it. Didn’t even flinch or blink. When Moore was over, Mustang actually apologised.

Who in the hell was this guy? Because it certainly wasn’t Colonel Bastard.

By the time day three rolled around, they had only managed to round of two small-time arms dealers and put them in custody. It was progress, but not at the speed that Moore desired. It had a terrible trickle-down result. The slower the progress, the angrier Moore became; the angrier Moore became, the more he took his rage out on Mustang; the more Mustang was harassed, the harder he pressed the team; the harder the team was pressed, the more tired and flustered they became; and the longer they felt like that with no relief in sight, the more they fought with one another. All of which helped produce smaller results in the mission.

Ed was irritated, exhausted, and hungry -- but he was finally able to see that the fire Mustang was lighting under their asses to get the job done was nothing compared to what was under his.

Seeing Mustang in a new way was an interesting development that Ed honestly hadn’t expected. On some level, he knew that his superior officer had to be good at his job to get where he was, not just a talented alchemist, but he had never seen how Mustang operated at work. Mostly Ed saw the man behind the desk, a smug smirk tugging at his lips, his aura so confident that it was almost suffocating. Now he was able to see the man in the field: an unflappable air hung around him that forced people to work, his face was set in a stoic manner that suggested he was serious, and perhaps there was an almost...dangerous glint in his eyes. Ed couldn’t be sure. It varied during the day, made him want to shiver when he caught sight of it despite them being in the blistering sun.

It wasn’t just Mustang that changed though. His team were surprising in themselves. They didn’t change as much as Mustang did, but whereas Ed used to sometimes think of them as lackeys or careless, he saw that they were very much a team. Even when the pressure was on and they bit at one another, they still worked together.

Havoc was almost always the first person through every building they searched, sweeping through it as diligently as Hawkeye. Breda was tough and unrelenting when it came to interrogating the arms dealers or any suspects, twice working so long that he forgot to each lunch. Fuery rushed around at full speed to relay new information when it popped up, not even bothering to say hello. Ed didn’t see Falman for almost two days until he stumbled across the man barely awake, an astounding pile of reports in front of him. Havoc cracked jokes still and Breda scarfed down his food and Fuery smiled and Falman rattled off random bits of knowledge -- but the change was still there, like these new sides of them that Ed saw now were their shadows.

Out of everyone, Ed thought that Hawkeye changed the least. She was consistent in her behavior, in and out of the field. Whether she was at Mustang’s side at HQ or out in the field with the team, she was hardworking and always there when she was needed. Ed thought maybe she was a little more stoic, keeping to herself a little more, but she still offered him a smile when they had a moment to breathe and she made sure to ask how his automail felt and if the sand was affecting Alphonse’s movements any. He couldn’t say why, but Hawkeye’s consistency made him feel a little relieved. He didn’t know what he’d do if she suddenly did a 180 like Mustang.

Probably explode, like Mustang looked fit to do right now, if not for the Hawkeye’s hand on his elbow.

“If we go in guns blazing without a single clue about what’s waiting for us on the inside, then someone is going to get killed,” Mustang ground out with just barely manageable restraint. He had taken verbal beating after verbal beating for the past three days with remarkable calmness, but everyone had their breaking points. Ed hung behind him, arms folded, and watched as Hawkeye pulled her hand away from Mustang’s elbow the second Moore turned back around to glare at him.

“This dragging your shoes routine is wearing thin, Mustang,” Moore snapped, advancing on him. “Your man Fuery was able to corroborate Colonel Branson’s intel. Felix Sarcozi is in there. According to the information Breda was able to gain from the two other dealers and evidence drawn out by Falman, he is at the top of the gun smuggling ring you were so desperate to topple.” He stood just a foot in front of Mustang, practically towering over him. Nearly as tall as Major Armstrong, he would’ve cut an intimidating figure if Ed gave a damn. “This is your gambit, remember?”

“I remember, sir,” Mustang barely managed to say. That dangerous glint was back in his eyes again. Moore must’ve been an even bigger idiot than Ed thought earlier to miss it. Even Ed felt the desire to take a step back, although he didn’t. The day he was afraid of Mustang was the day he gave up on helping restore Alphonse back to his body. Never gonna happen.

Sensing trouble brewing, Colonel Branson stepped up, although he didn’t look ecstatic at throwing himself into the middle of a fight between two very temperamental wolves. “The problem, sir, is that we don’t know how many people are in there with Sarcozi. We only know of his cousin, Dupont, who just entered. This isn’t some warehouse on the outskirts of town; it’s his home in a residential area. We’re more than likely going to step into a situation where innocent civilians are in the way. I think we’d all like to avoid as much collateral damage as possible.”

Collateral damage. Ed grinded his teeth. These were people that they were talking about! How could anyone talk about humans so callously? Like they were debris that could be discarded?

“Anyone involved with a man like Sarcozi isn’t innocent,” Moore declared.

“Even his children?” Mustang countered. “The man has a boy and a girl. What if they’re in there? His wife, brother, father? Are you suggesting that they should be condemned to death for the simple fact that they’re related to him?”

Dust settled around them as the wind came to a foreboding halt. Everyone stood stock still as Moore and Mustang glared at one another. Branson rubbed the back of his neck and glanced down at the ground. Hawkeye kept her eyes on Mustang, as if her gaze alone could keep him from coming apart at the seams.

“Either you get the job done now, Mustang,” Moore told him in a low voice, “or you’re out and I can assure you that not only will you never make it past Colonel, but I’ll see you demoted if it’s the last thing I do and have your entire team transferred, Hawkeye and Fullmetal included.”

When Mustang grinned, there was not a drop of humor in it. Instead, it cut across his face, sharp and terrifying like a shark’s grin, and since after the first time meeting him, Ed didn’t recognize Mustang at all. “I’m sure you’d like that, sir, but I wouldn’t give you the satisfaction.” His eyes were absolutely cold and dark and Ed found himself preferring the times when Mustang’s eyes were filled with a hint of fire. “The job will get done, but don’t threaten me with my team again or this mission will be the least of your worries.”

Before Moore could even bluster at having just been threatened, Mustang strode away from him. Ed caught Hawkeye taking a quick breath, her eyes closed, before she followed him. Not wanting to be around Moore for any longer than he had to be, he connected eyes with the man briefly before shuttering away as quickly as possible. They had their places, after all, and if this gun runner’s extraction was about to be carried out, he wasn’t supposed to be near Moore anyways.

No, his place was with Mustang, another surprising and irritating twist.

So far in this trip, every time they ventured out of HQ and made a bust, Ed was always required to be with Mustang. He had no clue why the man was keeping him on such a tight damn leash, but he never had the time to question it. The moment he opened his mouth to complain or protest, Mustang dismissed him or left. For keeping Ed so close, Mustang was acting extremely distant. It was weird as hell.

As he squatted and watched the suspect’s house, Ed hoped Al was having more fun than him back at South HQ. He was silently grateful that his brother hadn’t been allowed to join him, although jealous of the fact at the same time. Al wasn’t the State Alchemist though. He was just a child, according to the military, whereas Ed was a soldier. He didn’t feel like a soldier - had so far even avoided being put in a uniform like Moore wanted - but he wasn’t a kid anymore either. He thought about the suspect’s children, a boy of six and a girl of three.

What if they were in that house?

Glancing up at Mustang, Ed noted his clenched jaw, his fists hanging at his sides. They were both gloved with his special ignition gloves, although one held his service weapon. Out of everyone, Ed was the only person not carrying a weapon. When Moore had tried to force one on him the first day, it had taken everything in him to not punch the man and storm back to the train station. Hawkeye said that one should only ever point a weapon at someone if they intend to shoot -- and there was no way in hell he was going to shoot anyone. Only Mustang pointing out that it would be more dangerous to give Ed a gun, since he’d never gone to the firing range or attended the Academy, had gotten Moore off his back, even if it had given Moore ammunition to tell Mustang off even more.

“Do you have a visual on Sarcozi?” Hawkeye asked, the radio in her free hand.

“Negative,” came the soft voice of Branson’s adjutant, First Lieutenant Rivers, over the radio. Unlike normally, she was acting as the sniper in this mission, while Hawkeye and Havoc were on the ground. That had thrown Ed off slightly. He knew that Hawkeye was a sniper and that was the position she was normally given, but much like Ed, Hawkeye remained at Mustang’s side at all times. “There is movement inside though. The curtains are drawn, but I see two figures in the living room area on the left side of the house, fifteen feet from the front door.”

“Anyone else?” Branson questioned over the radio from his position behind the house.

“Not that I can see, but again, all the curtains are closed and I don’t have a view of the bedrooms from this angle.”

“Should’ve had another sniper set up,” Mustang grumbled under his breath, mainly to himself. He had fought for that as well, but Moore had wanted every available man on the ground for the bust. “Damn that asshole.”

Ed could honestly say that he had never heard Mustang curse once before this trip to South City, but now he seemed to be catching Mustang swear on a regular basis.

Taking the radio from Hawkeye, Mustang announced, “We’re a go on the signal from Rivers -- and remember, refrain from gunfire as much as possible. We need Sarcozi alive and I don’t want any casualties. If we start firing, chances are they will too and people are likely to get caught in the crossfire.”

The warning didn’t need to be said, but it seemed to give a little peace to Mustang, even if he was as tense as a rubber band pulled to full capacity. Seconds of silence descended on them, Ed squirming in his position, Hawkeye focusing on the house, and-- Did Mustang glance at him quickly or did he imagine it? A gentle beep over the radio later and Ed didn’t have time to think about it as they rushed on the building simultaneously from multiple angles.

Ed’s heart was hammering in his chest by the time they rushed up the stairs and burst into the house. Hawkeye kicked the front door open and swept inside, gun drawn first, just as Havoc came in through the back with Branson and one of his men. Shouts of, “Hands on your head!” and “Get down on the ground!” could be heard throughout the house as soldiers rushed inside.

Even though he remembered what he’d been told to do, Ed really didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He had never been involved in a military mission like this before. Normally he just did things his own way and he always had Al to watch his back should things get messy. This was organized, clean cut, and clinical. It wasn’t his world and he felt adrift in it as he moved through the house behind Mustang. Even though he had his ignition gloves, Mustang was choosing to use his gun, holding it out in front of him as naturally as Hawkeye.

Things went...well, all things considered. Having gotten the drop on them, none of the people in the house resisted arrest, choosing to comply quickly with the orders being shouted. There were three men lying face first on the ground in the living room when Ed stepped inside with Mustang and Hawkeye. Their guns sat innocently on the coffee table, out of their reach.

“Where is Sarcozi?” Mustang demanded. When none of them answered, he pressed a foot down on one man’s hand, though not hard enough to hurt him. “Where is he?”

“He’s not here!” the man exclaimed.

“That’s a lie and we both know it.” Mustang jammed his foot down hard on the man’s hand, making him howl in pain, and asked again, “Where is he?”

Ed jumped forward, going to grab Mustang and pull him off, but Hawkeye stopped him. “What the hell, Mustang? You’re gonna break his hand!”

“I haven’t -- not yet,” Mustang replied coldly.

When Mustang lifted his foot up, moving to slam it down harder, the man exclaimed, “In the cellar! There’s a trap door in the back room under the bed!” Instead of Mustang’s foot did not land on the man’s hand, it landed gently on the ground near his fingers. Ed stared at Mustang in horror as the man swept out of the room and then jerked out of Hawkeye’s grip. She looked at him like she knew something that he didn’t, a glimmer of apology on her face, but he ignored it and followed Mustang to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone else.

Who was this guy?

They broke into the cellar, calling out those same warnings from earlier, only to find their suspect, Sarcozi, holding a gun to a small boy’s head. The child was crying. Ed froze, eyes wide, nearly stumbling on the last step. It was Sarcozi’s own son.

“Put the gun down, Sarcozi!” Mustang ordered, pointing his own weapon.

Sarcozi shook his head. The boy cried more, pleading with his papa, asking what he did wrong. “Get out! Leave! I’m not going in! I can’t! They’ll kill me if they even think I talked!”

“Who will kill you?” Mustang questioned. He took a step forward, but halted when Sarcozi’s gun clicked. “Put the gun down. We can offer you protection. There is still a way out of this.”

The boy’s words bounced around in Ed’s head. He didn’t know what to do. Why was Sarcozi doing this? Why was he using his own child as a shield, threatening his life in order to save his own? That wasn’t what parents did. Parents protected their children, loved them, held them. That was what their mother had done. And...hadn’t Mustang been trying to protect Ed through all of this? Ed could vaguely see it now -- the way Mustang shielded him from certain things, kept a close eye on him, made sure he was never put in a position that went against his personal beliefs.

“You bastard!” Ed shouted. “He’s your son! Let him go! He’s innocent!”

“You’re right; he is innocent,” Sarcozi said. “It is better we die now than later.”

He raised his gun, pointing it directly at Ed.

Too many things happened at once. Even though he knew it would be too late, Ed clapped his hands together and went to create a wall in between him and Sarcozi. Two gunshots rang in the air. Before Ed could even complete his alchemy transmutation, someone plowed into him, knocking him into the ground. In the confusion, the lamp giving light was kicked over and darkness enveloped the room. There was scuffling, grunting, and another gunshot, wood debris and dust falling over top of him.

However, as Ed pulled himself to his feet, he felt someone roughly grab him from behind and jerk him back. When he went to complain and pull away, the person changed their hold on him, lifting him entirely off the ground, so that he couldn’t bring his hands together, and he knew that the person holding him wasn’t on the same side.

“Sir! Lieutenant!” Havoc yelled down at them. Light flooded the room again as more people rushed down. He skidded to a halt when he moved the light to where Ed was being held.

Despite the gravity of the situation, Ed couldn’t stop himself from blinking and flinching away from the bright light as he grumbled, “Damnit, Havoc, move that thing to the side.”

“Let Sarcozi go,” the man holding him captive demanded. He pressed something cold and metal against Ed’s temple. Ed tried not to keep his breathing steady. In all his time with the military so far, he’d never had a gun pointed at him before, much less one pressed right up against him. “Or the kid gets a bullet to the brain.”

It looked like something out of a movie. In front of him was a mess of people. Hawkeye was in the forefront, her gun aimed in their direction, a deadly serious look on her face. Could she shoot this guy while he was hiding behind Ed and holding him hostage? Would she? Havoc also had his gun trained on him after putting his flashlight on the ground. Breda and one of Branson’s men had hold of Sarcozi, who was bleeding from a gunshot to his arm, while Branson protectively held Sarcozi’s son against his chest.

And then there was Mustang standing completely still, his gun at his side. A bit of blood trickled from the side of his head and Ed realized suddenly that it was Mustang that had thrown himself in Ed and knocked him out of the way. The bullet must’ve grazed him.

“You can’t possibly think you or Sarcozi are getting out of this,” Mustang said in a strangely detached voice. Ed tried to read the emotions in the older alchemist’s eyes, but he had a difficult time with all the flashlights pointing at him. Mustang looked more like a demon than a person in this moment, his figure dark and foreboding, like he could crawl out of the shadows. Ed couldn’t see well, but he knew that dangerous glint was back in Mustang’s eyes now, this time full blown. “The question is what state you’ll be in when you’re taken out of the house.”

“What do you mean?” the man questioned.

Mustang tilted his head slightly. “We need Sarcozi alive. We don’t need you.”

“I’ll kill him!”

“And then we kill you. It’d be foolish to throw away your only bargaining chip like that.”

Ed squirmed, glaring back down at Mustang. He better not kill anyone! Ed didn’t care if it was his life in danger. He didn’t want anyone dying because of him.

“So what’ll it be?” Mustang asked.

The man licked his lips. “Back off” -- his gun clicked, putting a bullet in the chamber -- “or I’ll kill--”

It was almost casual -- the way Mustang lifted his gun and shot the man right in the head.

Ed sputtered as warm blood splattered on his side, falling down in shock as the man’s grip slackened on him. He staggered when his feet hit the ground, toppling forward, and only didn’t collapse because of Hawkeye rushing to catch him. Her hands on him were solid and comforting, nothing at all like that asshole’s, but he felt the urge to pull away from her as he watched her holster her weapon.

People moved around them as the scene was cleared. Hawkeye led Ed out of the basement, never letting go of him, moving him through the house. She didn't say anything, and he was grateful, if only because he didn't know if he could say anything right now. He didn't even know what to think, his mind foggy. His feet moved underneath him, but he couldn't even say where he was going. The desperation in his captor's voice flashed in his mind.

Did that man really have to die in order for Ed to live? Was it right? Was it wrong?

Ed found himself sitting down on the couch as soldiers walked around and ignored him. They let him sit down and do nothing while they did all the work. He hollowly noticed Rivers and Havoc walking out a woman and two children, but said nothing, couldn’t barely think of anything. He thought about Sarcozi’s son. The gun pressed to his head. The gun pressed to Ed’s head. The bullet going through his captor’s head.

Hawkeye swam back into his vision, sitting down next to him and pressing a wet towel against him. He noted the white towel slowly turning red as she washed the blood off of him. “Edward?”

She didn’t ask him if he was okay, didn’t ask how he felt, merely prompted him to speak -- but he didn’t know what to say, didn’t even know how he felt or if he was okay. He was okay, wasn’t he? He wasn’t hurt. People had tried to hurt him before, even kill him, and he always bounced back quickly. Never really bothered him before. Some people were just plain bad.

When Mustang stepped into the room though, Ed locked eyes onto him. “You shot him,” he said, his throat feeling raw, like the words were choking him. Mustang stopped, didn’t say anything, just looked back at him. The dangerous look in his eyes was gone, replaced with a coldly distant look that Ed had come to associate with him over the past few days. “You killed him.”

“The shooting was justified,” Mustang said, his voice completely devoid of any emotion. Ed didn’t know that anyone could sound like that.

“Justified? Justified?” Ed took a ragged breath and then leaped to his feet. “How can killing anyone be justifiable? It’s murder, is what it is!”

Mustang didn’t back down. Ed expected a dark look to come over his face, a flash of anger in his eyes, but nothing like that happened. He was as blank as stone. “Then I’m a murderer, I suppose.” His black eyes remained locked on Ed’s golden ones. He didn’t seem ashamed at all for what he’d done, but Ed couldn’t imagine that he didn’t feel at least a tiny bit of regret. How could he follow a man that didn’t feel guilty over ending a life?

“I thought you were supposed to be some kind of hero,” Ed snarled, fists forming at his sides. Mustang had saved his life, hadn’t he? But at the cost of another’s. It was like a bastardized version equivalent exchange. No, no, it couldn’t be. That man’s life in return for his own… No, equivalent exchange didn’t work like that - it couldn’t. Ed refused to believe that. Surely, as an alchemist, Mustang couldn’t either.

“I’m not a hero,” Roy snapped, the first hint of emotion hitching in his voice. Anger, yes, Ed knew anger. He definitely understood Mustang when his anger was directed at him. And yet, Ed didn’t get the feeling that Mustang was mad at him, more like himself. “I’m a soldier and I’ve been in war, Fullmetal. Like it or not, I don’t have the luxury of having clean hands like you. Hate me all you want -- I don’t give a damn -- but if I have to bloody my hands a little bit more to keep it that way, I will.”

Ed found himself out a complete loss. This had to be the most honest that Mustang had ever been with him, even if it was convoluted and filtered through layers of masks that he wore. He closed his mouth and sat back down on the couch with Hawkeye, feeling like a scolded child. He hated that feeling, but didn’t know what else to do.

“Next time, do as you’re told and stay in your damn position behind me,” Mustang said before turning on his heels and all but stomping out of the room. Ed’s eyes dropped to the ground. He had no clue how to react to any of this. He knew Mustang -- the man was a lazy, cocky, manipulative bastard -- but this was not the Mustang that he knew. With such a constant in his life changing so drastically before his eyes, it felt like his entire world was off-kilter, and he didn’t like it. Someone like Mustang shouldn’t be able to get under his skin like this. What was going on?

Hawkeye laid a gentle hand on his arm. “You scared him.”

“I scared him?” Ed asked incredulously. “He...he shot a man right next to me.”

“He was going to kill you.”

“How do you know?” Ed looked up at her with wild eyes. There may have been a film of tears. He’d deny it with his last breath. “He could’ve dropped the gun, given himself up, let me go. He didn’t have to… Mustang didn’t have to…”

The look on Hawkeye’s face was so understanding that it was painful to look at. “He couldn’t take that chance. A few sleepless nights and nightmares are worth saving your life.”

“A few sleepless nights?” Ed shook his head. “It looked like he didn’t even give a damn.”

Hawkeye’s smile was sad. “Not all armor is visible.”

Ed wiped his face and rubbed his eyes, definitely didn’t sniff. “How do you know though? How can you be so sure?”

“Because,” Hawkeye told him simply, “I would’ve done the exact same in his position.”

It wasn’t exactly a comforting thought and yet it made him feel a bit better, like he saw a piece to a puzzle that he hadn’t seen before.


End file.
